What the hell do I think that I'm doing...?

I'm wondering this a lot the last few days.

Is it worth it? I'm wondering that a lot too. How far do you go before you lose your self-respect? And how short do you hold it without over-reacting?

I don't know.

And the one person who I would normally talk to about this isn't here. I don't know where my friend is or when they'll be back. I don't know if anything is my fault, or if it has nothing at all to do with me.

More to the point, how do you stop yourself from writing 1001 emails in the space of 10 hours like you would really like to???

You write obscure shit in your blog, is what you do. And you avoid alcohol. You try and keep busy and slap your wrist every time you go to check your emails. You clean the flat and you work. And you meet with friends and try not to stare into the middle distance too much just in case they realise that you're not really paying attention.

And you listen to Amy Winehouse - coz it's great music and you know that it can never get as bad as the car crash that is her life at the moment.