I lied...

...there has been one thought that's been going through my head...

I was very insecure over the weekend. And I still am feeling quite wobbly actually.

The Boss went away. At less-than-short notice. He's one of these people who works his arse off in all areas and needed a break. Which is more than fair enough.

Even though there was nothing that I had done "wrong", I felt....oh fuck it, yes, ok...I felt abandoned. And that made me feel awful which is why I got stuck in this mindless spiral of doubt and insecurity.

Much as he sent the odd email to let me know that he was thinking of me, I still just...I guess I kinda crashed in my own head in a way.

When he came back it was lovely to see him, but I felt as if he was very far away. As if I needed some time to find him again. God, I mean he only went away for a few days, I know. And he stayed in contact. Yes, I know this!

Emotions are just that, emotions. Not rational bloody thinking!

One thing that he said when he came back was that I shouldn't (and have no need) to feel insecure, especially as its one of those things that makes me feel bad. And that's never the goal in anything that I do.

But...it got me thinking. Insecurity. You know me, I always find a definition to link to in cases like these. But here, I couldn't find one that suited. It was all blah-blah. Made anyone who suffers from insecurity sound like a bunny-boiling freak. No. That's bullshit.

Insecurity. The opposite of feeling secure. That's a valid feeling. Surely? I think that it can be. I hate the way that insecurity is bandied about like a rude word. If I'm insecure then the onus is on me.

But why? Why is the onus not on the person who is making me (in this case) feel that way?

Ok, yes...sure. I have a responsibility to myself. I know this. And I know that its also my job to try and control the silly thoughts which can come as a result. Of course.

But after all that has been taken into account, is it not ALSO (not only, also) the responsibility of the other person, especially the person who puts such a lot of effort normally into making you feel secure? In some, not all aspects, of course. Most of the general confidence and sense of security has to come from within, its not wholly another's job to do.

This little "game" that we play. Or that some of us play. In this case its D/s, but in my mind it applies to any relationship, as there's always an exchange of emotional responsibility. But specifically in this game that we play, security is a big issue.

I (and this by no means means everyone) need a large degree of feeling secure in order to deal with being so vulnerable in other aspects. Dependency and needfulness are actively encouraged to a greater or lesser degree. And no, I ain't some stupid, spineless person who wants someone else to take responsibility for me or make choices for me etc. I can stand back and see it for what it is.

But you see...I have this love / hate relationship with these aspects. I'm strong, I'm in control. I am responsible for myself and I care a great deal about myself. But I also know that I crave this feeling of being looked after sometimes. In a very basic way. I can't *do* vulnerability in so-called normal circumstances very well. But its a large part of me and I want to be vulnerable at times. I need it. In rl....I can be quite a hard nut. And I'd like that to change. I want to become softer, more gentle.

But life taught me other lessons. I won't go into any silly sob stories (especially after seeing what's going on in a certain town in Austria at the moment, it would be too trite), but my emotional make-up in these aspects was set when I was a teenager. I've spent my whole adult life up until now behaving or reacting based on those patterns which I learned then. They don't and shouldn't apply anymore. But they are part of me now and a habit. Its hard to break them. However much I want to, it will take a long time.

So all this leads to a certain level of....need. And I choose to deal with it in one particular way.

Maybe not the world's most clever or rational way to deal with it..but hey! Its sexy as hell too!

Its my shit, I'll deal with it how I prefer.

The thing is though. When someone calls you insecure it sounds like an accusation. I can't control my thoughts or feelings. I'm being the active one in making myself feel like crap. And of course...I can't argue against that can I? Because I would still be being insecure.

In fact, do you know what I think? I think that if someone feels insecure, its a valid feeling. Firstly, it shouldn't matter if I'm a stupid, emotionally unintelligent idiot or not - if I feel bad and you care about me, then you take time to address that.

And then...then you look to yourself and you ask yourself...this person felt secure with me and now they don't. What happened for that to change? What part did I play in that? And how can I help to soothe them?

I think that telling someone that they are insecure...its quite a hurtful thing actually. I know that I can be in certain situations. And I know, with me, that I have areas where it happens more. That there are emotional triggers for it. I do my best to deal with my part of it. The other person needs to then work with me on that too.

Because if they don't...then they're right - its not a nice feeling and it needs to stop. And the easiest way for it to stop is to remove oneself from the situation where it happened. But that would be running away and I'm trying to grow out of that habit too.

Catch 22 it seems.

But please people. If someone's being insecure...they know this mostly. No need to "reinforce bad behaviour"...but a hug and some time goes a long way.

Playing catch-up

Gargh...its hectic at the moment and I'm really missing the time that I normally take just to think. I think a lot normally. I mean, I know that we all think, course we do. But I kind of..well, deliberately think. I enjoy spending time...thinking.

My day is sometimes even based around just thinking. I normally end up later than I would like for work as I almost always drift off into my thoughts whilst in the shower. The train ride to work is used for either sleeping (dependant on how little I got whilst in bed - I sleep very well, just never long enough it seems..always more important things to be doing) or reading (which I love to do, but again, I have less time for that these days it seems).

Then work - I time my odd ciggie breaks (eeurgh, yes, she smokes! Oh shock, oh horror! Sod off) so that no-one else is there so that I can think. But that and my walks or rides from the station to wherever I'm going are taken up by thinking about practical boring stuff at the moment. Work is hectic as one of my projects hits next week (off to Prague for two and a half days, of course with no chance to really take a look around) and then I had this live SL demo last night.

Which went exceptionally well by the way! Yes! I was so impressed with myself! I love to talk, but I hadn't done any public speaking for years. To be honest, I had no idea how many people would show...15, 2o or so I thought. But no...almost 50 were there! And what should have been a 2 hour long demo and Q & A session, turned into 3 and a half. And would have been longer if we weren't chucked out! Was a lot of fun and I felt happy and confident as I was doing something that I know a lot about...very calm.

And I got paid for it at the end. Wonderful stuff.

But all this means that I haven't had time to ponder recently. Let alone keep up-to-date with my friends. And without these two things, I have less to write about.

But hopefully more after next week.

This week...gorgeous weather here in Berlin. We have a Bank Holiday on Thursday and of course its scheduled to rain. No big matter however as I'll most likely have to work anyways.

Tomorrow night will be interesting where I live. I'm 1 block away from a very well-loved square which gets used a lot by drunken teenies from outside of Berlin who come and practise missile-throwing at the Police. Always a riot...in that exact sense! To be fair, its been improving each year. But either way, if you're a local, you make sure that you're home and tucked up in your flat by 21:00 and that you don't need to leave.

And you don't leave your car parked outside. Its likely to be a burnt wreck the next morning.

Its a shame that the real 1st May demos have disintegrated into a mindless drunken shambles with people who have no idea what its all about.

Never mind, I live on the 3rd floor...and get a great view of the 100os of riot-clad police and their helicopters.

And its something to do if SL goes down too.

*starts to gather a pile of cobble stones and places them in a neat heap on her windowsill.

What are friends for?

Endov Rhode says: we are FUCKED
Endov Rhode says: baby we really do need each other as a reality check
poppyweston says: What good are you?
poppyweston says: You're just as bad as me!!!
Endov Rhode says: haha
poppyweston says: we've lost our rythm
Endov Rhode says: oh, gee, you are right
poppyweston says: normally we're on opposite ends of the scale and keep the other balanced
Endov Rhode says: true, but just now
poppyweston says: we're both in the pit of the deep shitty hole, great
Endov Rhode says: i thought of you and felt a tad better
poppyweston says: marvellous
Endov Rhode says: yes, its great that you are there with me
poppyweston says: you stink of shit
poppyweston says: go take a shower
Endov Rhode says: we can throw turds at each other
poppyweston says: yes
poppyweston says: turd wrestling
Endov Rhode says: mmmm
Endov Rhode says: i am seeing to many upsides
poppyweston says: turds have an upside?

What the hell do I think that I'm doing...?

I'm wondering this a lot the last few days.

Is it worth it? I'm wondering that a lot too. How far do you go before you lose your self-respect? And how short do you hold it without over-reacting?

I don't know.

And the one person who I would normally talk to about this isn't here. I don't know where my friend is or when they'll be back. I don't know if anything is my fault, or if it has nothing at all to do with me.

More to the point, how do you stop yourself from writing 1001 emails in the space of 10 hours like you would really like to???

You write obscure shit in your blog, is what you do. And you avoid alcohol. You try and keep busy and slap your wrist every time you go to check your emails. You clean the flat and you work. And you meet with friends and try not to stare into the middle distance too much just in case they realise that you're not really paying attention.

And you listen to Amy Winehouse - coz it's great music and you know that it can never get as bad as the car crash that is her life at the moment.

Twinity

Twinity - have you guys heard of it?

I hadn't, not until today.

Background: I'm a member of Xing - the German, soon-to-be-European version of LinkedIn (and sooo much better!) and am involved in a few groups.

Not very "Poppy-like" in some aspects I guess, but what you lot don't know about me is that I'm actually quite involved in SL in other aspects rather than just as Poppy (yes, yes....here comes the Alt thing again).

So...Xing have several forums in regards SL and I keep an eye on them all. Two weeks ago I went to an in-world meeting and was...well...hmmm... Opinionated. *grins...doesn't matter what avatar I use, some things never change I guess!

Anyway....result of this was that I was invited to become a co-moderator of one of the groups and join in the general discussion. Bit of a pain in the arse time-wise as I have a lot on at the mo, but a great compliment.

So today....I was just scanning the SL forums as there are a couple...and hit a post about Twinity. Its in Beta and looks like it could be interesting. I've been to There.com before. SL was down and I was desperate, what can I say? Oh my god...yawn!!!

Anyway...I've applied for the Twinity beta grid. Its still closed and through application only. I'm NOT a techie, but...who knows.

Anyways, we shall wait and see if I get let in. I contacted the person in Xing who works for the company and so I shall stalk him if I don't!

And the interesting stuff with this company is...not only did they win a round of venture funding a few weeks back (so someone's taking them seriously), but....

The company is based in Berlin!

And they're looking for staff!!!!!

*nearly faints in joy

Well, ok...a bit of calmness is maybe needed as all their open positions are for techie jobs...but fuck it! I'm me...in rl or in sl I'm still me...and that means that I'm a cheeky pain in the arse.

So...not only did I contact this guy about the Beta grid, but also...well...I kinda asked him if they have any other jobs going. I don't care if I started out being the one who writes letters and makes the coffee!

And I've been invited to send my CV in.

Ok...hardly a job of the year offer...yet! But I'm proud of myself for even trying. And they shall be getting my CV in the next few days.

Mad as it is...it would be my dream company to work for. Can you imagine getting paid for this shit???

We shall see...most likely I shall get a polite letter back and my CV will, at best, go on file. I have NO experience in what they seem to be looking for.

But you never know until you try. And I shall be proud of myself that I tried.

And failing everything else...stalking could be the way to go.

I WILL be back!

I haven't lost interest in writing, nor have I disappeared. I just have a lot going on this week again and so its hard to find the time to sit and write something half way interesting.

Maybe I'll have a little time tomorrow evening to post a little of what I'm up to, but I'll be back at the weekend or else at the start of next week at the latest - promise! Don't give up checking my blog for any more random wafflings and opinions. Please!

As a little taster - I'm busy working on a presentation at the mo...on SL!!! LOL!

And I'm getting paid for it!

LMAO!

So...work, sorting the madness that will be my presentation out and grabbing the tiniest amount of time here and there with The Boss (who has been madly busy working) whilst swapping a few very short IMs with friends...its all adding up to not having any time to write. Oh God, and I have a few emails in my inbox which I REALLY have to answer too! One of them in 4 weeks old and I have to reply!

So much to do and so little time!

Don't give up on me though...please!

*blows kisses all round

/me lives!

Yes, I made it through - not broke and I didn't end up in Siberia.

Great party, but as always there's never enough time to speak to everyone properly which is a shame. But still, great to catch up.

I had to giggle hard though...

Do you remember? Way way way back when you were a....*coughs...a noob (bleurgh, but yes, we all were at some point, although none that I know walked round with prim cocks asking strangers if they wanted a fuck - and that's just the women). And do you remember these things...money trees? Where if you are less than 30 days old, you can go round and pick money off of the trees.

I remember finding out about them within my first few days in SL and going around. Problem was was that I hadn't yet gotten the hang of HOW to pick the money up. Idiot! The friend that I made and who I was travelling around with got sick of me moaning and being stupid and picked off as much as he could and then transferred it to me instead. Sometimes it IS useful being a helpless woman.

Through my search for money trees (there used to be a notecard with the slurls) I found SFH: Support for Healing. Its a great sim and has been designed by Luna Bliss (of Bliss Gardens fame) and I ended up making it my home for a long time. Before the days when I had a house or land. Then came the point when I brought in my own money and one thing that I would always then do was deposit a chunk of money at the tree for the noobs who came after me.

And it seems that my "good deed" (which I still do by the way, every month I leave money there) has paid off. For my birthday I got my very own money tree! And in €, not L$!

The Germans have this lovely tradition that when you give money as a present, that you fold it in the form of flowers or the wings of a butterfly and attach it to a plant.

And so...my very own, rl money tree!

And yes...I'm older than 30 days. 30 years in fact, but hey...sl time is like dog years like that ;P

Paaaartay!

A huge great big thank you to everyone who came to my SL bday party last night. And for all the funny and lovely and thoughtful pressies!

I had a great time and hope that you all did too. :)))

In regards presents, thanks guys! I shall look forward to wearing my new underwear and straight jacket whilst sat in my padded cell and reading my new book as I lean against my new spanking horse and ponder what I shall do with my gift voucher before gazing at my beautiful picture. And not to forget the piggy back ride - can't wait to try that out!

Bunch of loons!

;P

Thank you :)

Anyways - on the topic of parties, I am leaving for my rl one. Dinner first and then....well, it was great knowing you all. I shall have to sell all my belongings to pay for my friends' drinking problems and so shan't be online anymore. Plus, I shall be in hospital myself for the next week with alcohol poisoning myself. Or else they play some horrific trick on me and I end up naked, without my passport in eastern Russia.

Whichever way..it was lovely. I love you all and LL have my account details and will distribute my inv to you all as per my will.

*chuckles and runs out the door...

P(otentially) M(ixed) T(emperament)

Bollocks, shit, gaaaargh, FEKKIT!

Yes males, I am NOT in a good mood today. And don't you dare bloody roll your eyes!

*smiles at the ladies...thank you, I can feel your understanding rueful chuckles.

So, yes...the day started off well and then I found myself in the grip of a hideously irrational foul temper, balanced out by feeling pathetic and weepy. Great eh?

It seems to be a common myth that when (and no, it isn't always every sodding month, oh wise males) we women suffer from pmt, that we actually quite enjoy it, maybe even play it up a little. Well..news flash - I hate it! Notice the previous use of the word "suffer". Its not fun.

And no..its not fun for you men either. But I don't find it fun when I have to keep my mouth shut about something when you lot are tired or hungry. And that happens on a far more regular basis!

So, yes...party in SL tonight, RL party tomorrow night - God, the pressure to HAVE to be in a good mood!

So...I decided to go shopping for a new outfit on the way home from work for my party tomorrow night. I have to honest, the mood that I was in, I was not exactly enthusiastic nor was I really expecting to find anything.

But! Wait! Oh. My. God. I tried on my normal size....and it was too big! Yipppppeeee! But not only that. It was waaaay too big!

Now seriously, much as Poppy might go shopping at every convenience and have an inv bursting with clothes, *I* actually don't.

But oh my! I got into a pair of jeans which were TWO sizes smaller than normal!!! Well fuck me! How did I not notice this before??? I have no idea either. Like I said, I don't pay all that much attention to all that kind of "girlie" stuff in rl.

So anyway, instead of just getting one new top, I got a new pair of jeans, three tops, a new pair of shoes (ok, no change in size there, but I am still a girl) and some new underwear. Oh yes...and a S.K.I.R.T. The Boss will be happy: ;P

And...to add to my new-found good mood..as I was queuing to spend a small fortune on my new SMALLER clothes...the most funniest sight I think that I have ever seen was in the queue in front of me...

Imagine if you will: a tall man, long straggly hair...wearing a pair of ridiculously high heels and..oh good lord...and....oh shit, I'm still laughing. He had a long, very thin t-shirt on which he kept pulling up (it just about covered his arse and was some awful pale salmon pink) to reveal a pair of tight grey y-fronts which he kept running his fingers under to pull out of his crack.

Oh Jesus Christ, was that a sight! And he kept telling us all about what a hard day he had had - its not easy being a TV star apparently. *snorts with laughter.

Hilarious!

So, as I sit here sipping a lovely chilled rosè, my thoughts on the day:

1). pmt is shite. Boys, just be really sweet, kind and gentle with us and understand that we hate the irrationality of it too. And we can't help it! I swear!
2). To cheer us up out of a foul mood, you don't have to dress as above (although it might force a giggle out of us if you did), but just be patient, like we have to be with you lot too at times!
3). A stupid roll-over-and-simper slavelet once told me...pmt is no excuse with your Master - maybe not with yours, no. But with mine, it damn well is!!! Whether he likes it or not!!!

*takes a breath and calms down

4). It doesn't last forever and we will get our sunny mood back again. Although its not guaranteed for how long and we reserve the right to change our minds for no reason at any time again.
5). Berlin is possibly THE coolest place to live.
6). I am now almost looking forward to both of my parties (although..I went to the bank to get some money out for tomorrow night and got a little stuck. I know my friends - should I have taken out more money to put behind the bar??? I mean..how much alcohol can 25 of your nearest and dearest drink in one night? *groans...I'm not going to think about it. I KNOW how much they can drink. Ouch, my bank manager is not gonna like me come Monday!)
7). I have nothing intelligent to say today.

Lazy Days..oh if only!

Oh, I've been "lazy" the last couple of days.

So sorry, but I have been rushed off my feet. RL Birthday - which seems to be never-ending! *grins...I soooo can't wait until the weekend - party, party, party!

So yes, I haven't posted much and I won't be posting anything interesting today either.

The next few days will be hard to post as I have a little bit of "work" to do: a contact who I have in the outside world has asked me to help him do a presentation on SL!

Toooooo exciting! Especially as....hehehehe, oh my god get this!....especially as, they want to pay me for it!!! *cackles delightedly

And €!!! Not crappy L$!

Hah!

But..it means that I have to do a lot of work for that.

Although I'll lay money on it that SL will be down when I'm doing the presentation.

And no!!! I am going to tell any of you when I'm doing it, because its live.

And I don't trust any of you as far as I can throw you!!!

"The Red Bottom Express", Author Unknown

I keep reading this in the profile of Elytherial (Ely) Luna and have been wanting to share it for ages. I saw her today and asked her if it was ok for me to pinch it (the list, not her bottom!), and it is (thanks Ely!), so here it is...


What NOT to say to your Master:


1. Pushing limits does not mean making Master so angry the vein above his right eye throbs.
2. "Quit it!" "Ow, damnit!" "I'm hiding that toy when you go to work tomorrow" and cursing a blue streak are not safe words.
3. "Oh my god, where did you get those, they are gorgeous!!!" is not considered boot worship.
4. "Ya want fries with that?", "Want me to drink it for you too?" are not appropriate remarks when Master gives you an elaborate drink order.
5. Flipping your Master off while your hands are cuffed behind your back is a bad idea. Owners have ways of knowing these things.
6. Putting lube, goop, Superglue, ink or any other substance that will sully the hands of Master on his toys while setting up for a session is not a good idea.
7. Kicking that toy you hate far under the bed is futile. Master will only secure your wristcuffs to your anklecuffs and make you crawl for it... repeatedly.
8. "Bite me" is never an intelligent response to a command.
9. Doing your Beavis and Butthead imitation of "Fire, fire, fire, fire!" during Master's lecture on fireplay safety is considered rude.
10. Responding with "Yes, All Wise, All Knowing Grand Imperial Weenie" is not appropriate when Master asks you if you are comfortable during a bondage scene.
11. Asking to go to the bathroom every five minutes while Master practices his Japanese rope work on you will try his patience, quickly.
12. Crossing your eyes and sticking your tongue out while your Master is discussing your punishment is not wise.
13. There is no such thing as slave immunity, free slave day, or the pms defense.
14. The slave jury might not convict you, but the Master judge will override the verdict. Count on it.
15. Pretending Master's collection of buttplugs are toys and singing the "Weebles wobble but they won't fall down" song is not a good idea.
16. Repeatedly blowing out each candle Master lights during wax play will get you punished.

Well, I thought that they were cute ;P

You know that its been a bad day when...

...you don't get through the front door until 21:45

and you haven't been down the pub.

...the avocado that you were craving and paid 3 times the normal price for because its "ripe and ready to eat"

isn't ripe.

... you open that bottle of chilled yummy white that you bought on the way home

and its corked

and the only other alcohol that you have in the house is ONE bottle of WARM beer

and the local mini-supermarket closed at 9pm.

...that the peaceful "coming back down and relaxing after a shitty day at work for 40 minutes whilst catching up with some reading" train ride

turns into hell due to the drunken 16 yr olds and the loud mouthed damned tourists

and your iPod has no battery left.

...you run to catch the underground, as it only runs every 10 minutes at this time of night

and some stupid tourist doesn't know the "stand on the right, walk on the left" rule, blatantly ignores your huffing, puffing and swearing..whilst smiling dumbly at you

so that you miss the train by 30 seconds

and then the same stupid, fuck-wit tourists ask you for directions whilst you all wait

...you finally settle down and go to sign into SL

you get the following message: "In order to increase overall stability of the grid today during peak usage hours, our operations team has disabled a set of in world functions to reduce overall database load and create a more reliable experience for everyone."

Fair enough.

Until you try to log-in and see an update to this message which says: "In addition to the reduction of services outlined below, Operations will be immediately disabling the following services for at least 30 minutes: Logins..."

Well...stopping people from logging in is one way to reduce database load I guess.

Fucking idiots.

Reliable? Reliably crap, yes.

Although...maybe it hasn't been such a bad end to the day...

*sits back and thinks of those tourists who are, at this very moment, wandering aimlessly around the back-end of Berlin and will have to travel another hour to get where they actually wanted to be

*smirks evilly and chuckles.

Its all a question of context

My colleague who has the desk next to me at work has this fairly amusing calender. Every day I actually look forward to the mini chuckle that I get when she rips off the page to see what funny words of wisdom or quotes are today's.

Today's one really caught my eye:

"Part of growing up is learning how to control one's impulses."

Not very funny huh? Quite true words. And yes, its also part of being a grown up too; not just something which we learn and master as a child, but rather something that is on-going for a lot of us.

And then I saw who had said these words: Hilary Clinton. Ok, fair enough. Still not amusing. But the context in which she said it was when she was introducing her husband before he did a speech. A little amusing Freudian slip perhaps. And brings a small smile.

But there's another, more serious context to this quote. The place where it was said: the speech was to be held at a meeting to discuss gun control. To me, at least, that puts yet another spin on the quote. And a less amusing one when I think of children and guns and impulses.

So context. A noun meaning:

1. The part of a text or statement that surrounds a particular word or passage and determines its meaning.
2. The circumstances in which an event occurs; a setting.

(And yes, its a strange process I guess, seeing how my mind jumps from thought to thought. )

To me, this isn't just about taking a sentence and taking it out of its direct surroundings and being able to apply a different meaning to it.

I have been guilty of it many times, as we all are. Of not taking that step back to see all of the layers wrapped around a sentence, a picture, a scene or scenario, a reaction, a thought, a behaviour, a feeling. To gain the full perspective and to truly appreciate the context of something is often to understand something very deep and fundamental about a person.

And about yourself.

Maybe controlling one's impulses is one way which helps us to be able to take that step back and look at the full context.

Shame that I didn't learn that whilst growing up. It maybe would have made some aspects of my life easier.

And...when you take something which is actually out of context and react impulsively - I term that as being judgemental. Not a nice trait. Again, we are all guilty of it from time to time, even those of us who do our best not to be.

Why is it that we can look at a piece of typical abstract art...something which is totally and utterly outside of any contextual boundary...and discuss it and try to make sense of it? It is so far outside of our normal comprehension that we can agree to disagree with others as to what it means. We are more able to accept that what we see may not actually be what is portrayed.

Yet...in other situations, in more important ones, ones which actually touch us and affect us deeply, we're too busy reacting or defending to take a step back, take a deep breath and actually *look* at what is going on. And so we miss the whole context. And with it, we miss so much. Imagine being blinkered your whole life. You might see a petal, a leaf, a bit of bark. And you can have an emotional reaction to this, but you'll never see the whole bush bursting with flowers, or the fields surrounding it. And maybe whilst you were blinkered, you just focused on the thorn.

This happens inside of ourselves, this happens within our relationships and families. This happens at work. It happens when we read a sensationalist headline. It happens when we agree to let our governments invade other countries. And yes, passivity is in the same league as agreeing.



I don't ever say that I have a message to impart, or an answer to give. I just write and think and write and ponder and write. And a lot of it is about trying to work out the answers for myself. :)



But what I think...these blinkers and reactions - they're like safety nets, a kind of perverse comfort blanket. Because we can feel proud of ourselves if we make that step from focusing on the thorn to looking at the petal. Its a positive step. We can pat ourselves on the back. We work then so hard at looking at this petal from all angles...the shape, the texture, the size, the hues. One would then think that we would become braver - look a little around the petal to see what else is there. Gradually expanding our view. And some people do this. And we admire them. But why don't all that many of us do it ourselves?

Because we are petrified that should we look up, that the view might be so breath-taking, or so ravaged; that maybe there is a whole field of stunning flowers where we had just seen the petal of one...or that this petal was the only petal left on the last flower in the midst of a ravaged landscape.

And we are scared of what would then come next. Because after looking up and taking in what is really there, what really is the full context....we could never again lower our heads.

And on a lighter note...

...*sighs...well, its my Birthday next week.

Yes, yes...I hear you all. "Which one?" Well, as all Brits will know, the Queen has two Birthdays; the official Monarchs's (the Royal "We") and her own. I'm more special...I have several! Ha!

My official rezzday is 1st Feb. And Poppy has her rezzday too. And then...I have my rezzday.

30 years of RL. *groans and checks in the mirror for wrinkles (none) and grey hairs (a few)

And do NOT even start! All you "older" people out there, with your "life starts at 30" rubbish. You only say that to make yourselves feel better. Having a 3 in front of all the numbers is only good for one thing: its better than a 4, 5, 6, 7, 8.

Anyways...birthdays, especially a round number are normally celebrated (can you hear my enthusiasm just bubbling out of the screen at you here?).

I've been bullied into organising a party for my mates in RL (for "organising a party" please actually read "being allowed the pleasure of my friends' company purely and utterly on the basis that I am paying for them to get absolutely off their faces") and...well, someone thinks that it would be a nice idea to celebrate in SL too.

Thanks Boss.

;P

So...the date of the party will be next Friday (18th of April, and no, it isn't my actual birthday) and will be around 22:00 CET and The Boss has kindly offered his place for it.

Details will, of course, follow: SL times (for all you non-CET people...oooh, sounds like a nasty disease!) and Slur...and of course...theme. Can't have a party in SL without a theme! No, no, no!

But I'm still a little stuck on this one. So any ideas, please comment. And be sensible!

Hehehehe

Please don't.

And to pre-empt the normal, "what do you want for your birthday pressie?" question (which if not asked, forget coming to the party!!! ;P)...good wishes and a good humour will be gratefully received. :))

Thinking out loud...

So, I've been thinking lots about my last post. And Banj got me thinking that I should write more.

Its hard though you see. Because its only my take on things. And as Banj and I agreed, its not everyone's way. And nor should it be.

And...its really personal.

But Banj's comment mixed in with something else too. About three years ago, I had my last bout of depression. Whilst I was going through it, a friend gave me a book to read. I don't think all that highly of these self-help books. I find that they can sometimes take the issue outside of yourself. Plus they can even make the problem worse. The whole industry of these damned books is based on fear and a lack of control - my depression at the time did enough in that direction without then having to add to it. And then pay for the privilege!

So this book that I was given has been on my bookshelf for a few years, and I'm happy to say that the depression that has shadowed me all through my teenage years and adult life is now gone. Or at least, its there and always will be, but I can now recognise the warning signs and deal with it before it even really starts.

But there's a whole array of things which are really deeply personal to me. And the topic that was kinda touched on in my last post is one of them.

But I'm scared to go there so publicly. Who wouldn't be?

But then I was thinking. And this book came to mind again. Not really related at all. But it is.

Its all about control. A massive topic. And I'm not going to go into any depth in this post.

But...this blog. Its one way for me to have control you see. Not over anyone. Just over my thoughts. An outlet. Its control of a sort. And I'm facing my fear, one of them anyway and through that, controlling it.

Control...it can touch on so many things. And can be practised or misused in 1001 ways and situations. It seems to me these days...we're overwhelmed with so much that both our internal and external feelings of control...over who we are, where we're going, the voice of ourselves in our head, the media, our jobs, our relationships, politics, the world stage, our emotions and and and....well, they just can't keep up anymore.

Looking back now, the whole and very general issue of control has been a major thread through my life. And fear. Because the majority of us fear what we can't control. And that fear gets fed through so many things. The fear grows, the control lessens. And the less of a feeling of control that I have, the more my fear grows. An ever decreasing circle until you land at the bottom of a dark hole.

This book that I've been given, Harriet Rubin's "The Princessa. Machiavelli for Women", I picked it up today and...well, its in German and so will take a little longer than usual...I'm going to read it. Its all about taking control. Of yourself. Of your thoughts and your actions. Our choices are not always the ones that we would prefer, but that we still have control over how we react. And of course, HOW to do this. I'm more interested in the thoughts behind it than the actual "how", but....we shall see.

And I shall write about this whole topic. And I'm going to be brave and open myself up about it all. I shall write about the emotional side, the political side (I'm a total lefty btw and am convinced that "they" are there), the relationship side (friends, boss and family), and yes...the D/s side. Because in my opinion (and that's all that this will ever be, my opinion, not world fact), giving up aspects of control to The Boss, does not absolve me of responsibility. Not one tiny bit. It makes my responsibility, and need for control over all aspects of myself, all that much more important and relevant. There are those who take on a submissive attitude and role...so that they don't have this self-responsibility or need for ANY control. I have to think about that aspect before I write anything about it. At the moment I feel that that's a bad direction to go in, but...

Control and fear are also heavily linked to responsibility. To yourself. And towards others.

At the end of the day...this blog is primarily there for me. For me to practise writing in itself and to try and be a little creative in my own way. But I wanted more from it too. I don't for one minute think that my thoughts and ideas will solve the world's problems. But I do have this silly, partially romantic thought, that posts on these topics, garnered a lot from all of my life's experiences, SL included, well...who knows? Maybe one tiny sentance may help someone. Even if it just makes them smile, or chuckle, or even touch a chord.

Drama Queen Alert

So the main reason for staying up way too late (again *sighs) was that I wanted to post this...

The Boss and I were chatting this evening. It is now agreed between us that a). I am a pain in the arse (which we all knew) and b). He can also be a difficult bugger and a pain too.

For the sake of our fledgling relationship, and he being the Master part of it all, it's been agreed that I am the lil pain in the arse and he's the big pain in the arse.

How can I but agree? S'true. *shrugs

And I DO try, at least now and again to not argue with him (*nominates herself for Subbie of the Year 2008).

(As an aside, a friend of mine emailed me and wanted more personal stuff on the blog...dunno if he quite meant in this direction though.)

An example of this: my adored Boss has been very good to lil Popette. There was a little *situation* earlier and the first thing that I did was shoot off an email to him, saying that I wanted to speak to him. It wasn't a soft, tender, cutsie email, no no no. It was...well....ok, it was worded quite strongly.

*sighs and holds her hand up, "My name is Poppy and I am a Drama Queen"

Well...basically I thought that he had lied about something. Turns out that he hadn't.

Whoops.

No, he didn't lie. But, he WAS a prat of the highest order.

Which can happen to us all. *looks out of the screen at you. Yes, you too. We all do something idiotic at time.

So...conclusions:

1). The Boss and I are both right royal pains in the arse, though he more than I (hehehe).

2). I'm a drama queen and am learning to listen and THEN react.

3). Masters are truly masterful when they can apologise (because yes, they can get it wrong).

4). Being submissive NEVER means rolling over and accepting every bit of crap thrown your way (keep them on their damned toes!).

5). The leash truly does tie at both ends, equally

6). Making up is great.

And something else? When I jokingly asked The Boss why the hell he puts up with me...he said the sweetest things.

One of which was about all the many and different facets to me.

None of this is about seeing the other in the perfect (Wind)light.

Its about the other being human. Both. The one who messed something up. The one who over-reacted. About communicating and listening (*repeats that word 100 times).

And I guess..for me the hardest thing ever...trusting in the trust.

And then letting it go.

So...The Boss got to know a tiny aspect of a new side to my character: the hissing, spitting, furious harpy.

Another friend made a comment to me today:"Its all about the beast that you feed".

This one doesn't need feeding. But it IS maybe good that she saw the light of day. So that both The Boss and I saw her and could decide that we really don't want that beast to come knocking at the door of our relationship all that often. There are other hungry beasts who are better served when they're not hungry and are well-fed. Isn't that right my darling Master? ;P

*smiles at her Master very sweetly and innocently, bats her eyelashes and pouts seductively at him...because we wouldn't Popette's hand to slip and do any long-term damage whilst doing that really yummy thing that drives you crazy, would we?

No, I didn't think so.

xxx

You're a Winner!

Photobucket...its cool for storing photos online. Really, its good. And for novices like me, it has this nifty little paint thingie.

Looks good, don't do anything with it, but...

Yes, well anyways. Just uploaded the piccie that I actually wanted to post...and I noticed...

Every single time that I sign into my account there...and I mean EVERY time, I get this annoying little pop-up that happily flashes at me and tells me that I'm the 999,999th visitor and that I've won something really great.

I think that it can't count. I mean. EVERY time!

And I don't believe for a second that every time I go there and ignore it, that it starts to count again from 0 and that I have that much luck that I could have, theoretically at least, won €500,000, 4 dream houses and an Audi, for being the 999,999th visitor 10 times in a row.

So, of course, I always ignore it.

But now...now it's flashy cheekily at me and trying to tempt me by telling me that I already have the guaranteed prize of a 5* cruise down the Nile.

Maybe its run by the same people who do the technical stuff for SL.

*looks at it pleading at her to press it out of the corner of her eye

No, I shall resist! It's a scam.

But...5* holiday, that would be sooo good.

Who wants to come with me?

Ok...I know, if you do, go onto Photobucket and you click on it. I mean, its screwed, so it'll come up for you too.

Come on Boss! Use a work computer and get it infected with some crappy trojan or spambot. But take me off for a week!

Or....

I have had 24 unique visitors (*jumps up and down excitedly, clapping her hands...how cooool is that????). The 999,999th one...THEY get the 5* Nile cruise with me. I'll pay.

*bats her eyelashes prettily at The Boss and mumbles...I'd prefer option number one though. The other option may take a while.

Weehheee....yay!

SL IS OPEN Half!

Half is bored

So she keeps SPAMMING my blog

;P

But she's fuuuuuny!

And oh yes, "Linden Lab® cock-ups" is now trademark pending.

Coz if things keep going on like this...I'll make an absolute fortune suing anyone and everyone who whinges.

Half....going back to my comment the other day about cling-film (®??) on the keyboard - I really hope that you took my advice.

(I'm boooooored!)

And yes...the "®" things is most likely also boring now too. Tough. Don't care. Go amuse yourselves elsewhere.

Linden Lab® vs. Residents (yet again)

What most of you won't know at the moment, unless you actively follow any SL blogs, is that there is currently a huge SL Blogger protest going on, against LL.

I'm not a law expert, but I'll tell you the basics of what is going on. For anyone more interested, check out Gwyn's postings on the topic.

Linden Labs have decided to crack down on their logo / branding etc policy. All fair and right and good.


But...that update to the TOS that we all had to agree to last week? Well, it has some potential implications for the thousands of blogs out there...mainstream ones like Gywn's and Torley's, but also for teeny tiny, unimportant ones like mine.

Not only is there a clause in the TOS anyway to say that LL reserve the right to shut down your account for absolutely NO reason whatsoever, but now...well, I can technically get shut out of SL for not putting the right ® or ™ in the right places. Hell, I don't even know where they are on my keyboard! I had to copy and paste the damned things!


LL now has a cute Brand Center and it IS the right way to go for the company, moving forward but their guidelines seem to have gone way above and beyond any sense of reason.

Bloggers essentially were, and still are, the marketing and PR for LL. And they are furious! Because LL are now trying to specify exactly how they are written about. It goes far beyond the normal idea of trying to protect the company's interest and distance themselves from any generic issues and third-party services.

An example of this craziness, is that I can't write:

Second life, second life, sl, Second-Life, SecondLife, 2nd Life, 2Life, Second Lifers, Linden Labs or even slurl

But I can write:

the Second Life® virtual world, the Second Life® world, Second Life® residents, the SL™ community, an SL™ account, Linden™ dollars or a SLurl™ link

I think anyway. Not quite sure as there as 1001 rules added as to it as well which is all way too far above my head to comprehend. Can you imagine this is chat???

Not only does this affect blogs, but also company names. Including non-profit organisations inside of SL. Like the SL Ballet company. Companies and organisations who have also helped to promote and add to SL. The Second Life Herald wrote a rather amusing report. (LL rules about names and having to have two generic nouns...huh???...incorporated)

Now I know that its highly unlikely that any Linden employee is ever gonna stumble across my little blog here, and even if they do, its also unlikely that they'll serve Poppy with a cease and desist notice. But its just damned annoying.

I've always read a lot of blogs about SL...the change to the banking system (which was good), the ban on casinos (which I couldn't care less about, but hey! all adults here, if people wanna gamble then let em!), the introduction of VAT with virtually no notice and so on and so forth. They have THE worst timing and the worst way of imparting new information.

A few interesting links for the discussion (hey it'll help pass the time until the-place-which-I-dare-not-name is back up and running ;P):

Ciaran Lava, Just another unauthroised virtual world fansite
Dedric Mauriac: Another life from the first
Virtual Village Voice

And take a look at their profiles and disclaimers..made me chuckle at least.

*looks at the blog page and sees that SL is STILL down! Gaaaaahhhh!

Knocking at the Gates of Hell

LL have fucked things up royally the last couple of weeks and it seems to be getting worse.

I'm sat in the Poppy Field writing and catching up with my blog and notice how quiet the IM channel is.

Well...its coz log-ins are down. Again!

Much as I'm busy writing, SL is a lonely place without you guys. :(( My friend's list is totally and utterly dead. And you lot are worse than me for the gross amount of hours spent in SL!

And now, I just read, they're gonna kick out those of us still here so that they can fix the problem.

*crosses her arms and frowns, sulking, as she digs her heels in. Nope, I am not bloody leaving!

Like the last drunk at the party at 6am who doesn't want to go home.

*looks around for something to tie herself too and starts singing the theme tune to "Titanic".

Any of you who are trying to get back on who need plants watering or pets (of the four legged variety ;P) feeding? Send me an email and I'll trudge on over there and make sure that they're dealt with. Hope that you all locked your doors on the way out!

Oooh! I might go and visit all of your places and snoop! You can't suddenly pop in and catch me at it! I've always wanted to know what pervy things you all get up to - I might just go and check out all of your dungeons and hop on your poseballs in your beds. I will wash the covers after though.

HEHEHEHE!

God, I make myself chuckle at least!

*flicks back over to SL....nope, still here. Oh...just for another 4 minutes. :((

*straps herself to the tree and mutters to the LL gods as she puts on her swim vest.

And I was just about to build a ball like Tom Hanks' in that Robinson Crusoe film, that I could sit and talk to instead of you lot.

;P

Might get some better answers from that - less damned cheeky!

*sighs and cocks her head to one side as she looks at her book shelf and her TV. What a novel idea. Hmmm

CyAnne Hapmouche

Cy...you bring so much colour into my life. Thank you. You are a smart, sensitive, spunky bundle of fun and love.

We don't have all that much time with one another. But you get me. And I just think that you are one cool gal!

This is another great hugger. Funny as hell and when we do manage to get together, we rock!

SL has put a funny spin on the word "sister". In German there is a word: "Schwesterherz". There is no direct translation, but it essentially means "Sister of the heart".

That's what you are to me.

*smiles

And I can't wait until the day comes when you and I are in pjs and silly fluffy slippers with a coupla bottles of wine, film playing which we ignore coz we're too busy putting the world to rights, swooning over our men and bitching about all those wanna-be Masters out there.

But please...cushions on the floor all around the bed! With us two there is always too much "ROFL!" that it might be dangerous otherwise! xxx

Endov Rhode

First off, I have never seen Endov nekkid! This is his profile piccie which he sent me when I asked for one!

*licks her lips....but that IS an idea. ;P

This is another lucky meet. Mr Rhode is a darling man....he talks too much and has an ego the size of the bloody ocean - endless!

As an example. I talked to him about my blog, that I was gonna start one and that I wanted to use it as an extension of my profile and also to try and write. So, asked him for a picture and if it was ok if I put him in here.

This is the email that I got from him:

"I was going to assist in writing some info about myself for your ‘Cast’ but probably best if you just make it up – some key words:

- Adorable – a common word used to describe me :S
- Aussie with a HUGELY sexy voice that makes ‘other’ women’s knees quiver and their pussies drip, mmmm
- Wonderfully intelligent and witty (but not to the standard of Popette)
- I could go on, but that would be arrogant….."

*chuckles

Sorry Endov, but you asked for that...arrogant lil puppy!

But its true, he is adorable in a naughty puppy kinda of way, he does have a gorgeous voice, although I have yet to succumb, he is intelligent and witty when the mood suits him. And yes, modesty is his biggest failing.

All-in-all, a fun mate who I slurve to pieces and I'm glad that he's there. I can talk to him about anything under the sun and he doesn't judge and I'm always happy that he feels that he can come to me too.

Although I think that he still hasn't gotten over the fact that I'm one of the few women who hasn't fallen prey to his many charms. ;P One day, eh?

Anyways, he's all sloved up himself, so I don't think that I would get a look-in even if I wanted too.

Poppy goes under the knife

Well, back to fantastic lil ol moi again. Hehehehe.

No, I wanted to write a little about a topic which had occupied my mind for a while.

For those who've known me for a while, you'll see from my piccie above that I changed my skin.

I find it an interesting topic actually. I mean, I have two alts (yes, yes...I promise, I'll talk about that at some point too!) and one of them has a dragon and an elephant (oh god...THE cutest mini pink lil elephantie, she comes up to an normal avie's knee and her ears flap..to die for!..must transfer her over, just to give The Boss a shock! Hehe). And I even think that I have a cute pair of ears and a tail somewhere in my inv too.

Strange huh? But I really had a hurdle to overcome whilst thinking about getting a new skin.

Poppy is *me*...in that, the way that she acts and behaves and all of her comments and words are mine. I don't roleplay in SL. So, when she was born, I got her kitted out with a new skin and hair and such. As I had been here before, it went quickly, but I was still careful when I got her face as it just isn't something that I feel that I can then change.

A couple of weeks ago, I finally kinda got bored of her old face (much as I normally only ever see the back of her). I had changed her hair, but funnily enough, once I had settled on her long purple hair, I always bought a style to reflect that. Much as I could argue with myself that I would go to the hairdresser in rl.

So skin...I kinda looked half-heartedly around and never liked anything. Nothing looked half-way natural. And I like to think that Poppy at least has a friendly-looking face and I didn't want that to go. Finally found one that I liked and got it. I think that she looks lovely now, although a little older than she used to look and I didn't change anything about her body at all. And it gave me an excuse to go out and buy even more hair as the old stuff just didn't suit her.

But how odd...that I identify with her to such an extent that I have to justify getting a new skin with, "Well, its like changing my style of make-up".

And then...well, The Boss. He would never have asked me to get a "prettier" skin or anything, but he was pleased. I have a good eye for pixels I guess ;P But then he made a comment about Poppy's boobs.

Yes, yes...my really big oh-fuck-it-this-is-virtual-reality concession was my vanity in regards my boobs. I had them fairly decently sized, quite modest in fact, but I had them as perky as can be. Hehehehe

Apparently they didn't look real enough. Too funny, but really. I got all wound up! I mean, love me, love my "flaws". In rl I wouldn't go out to get a boob job. I would never in a million years change my body to please someone else!

So...I calmed down (first dramatise everything and THEN listen, that's me) and let The Boss fiddle with me bits (oh lol!). And I can only say....my boobs...on the appearance scale - oh dear, on the bad end of the scale when it comes to "sagginess", but oh my...they actually look soooo much better than these ridiculous pneumatic balloons that some of the girls here have!

But that's it now. Now more body modification! The Boss did make a comment once or twice that I'm taller than him. To be fair, I think that Poppy equates to 6"7 or something. But still, no. I am not going to chop off bits off poor Poppy's legs!

But you know one thing which really gets to me here? We all look more or less great. Pixel Perfection to one degree or another. And how refreshing. Whether I have one skin or another, whether my boobs look real or fake, its all bullshit really (ok, yes, this need that we all have to be vain and look so great is another post). But...in a world where we all look fab, one can really and truly concentrate on the personality and the person behind the pixels.

If only rl were that way too.

And boys? I WILL know if you just camera in on my boobs now you know.

Half Short

Once in a while we meet someone who, after a little time of knowing them, we wish that we had known for longer. That one had met earlier in one's life.

This is a kind of feeling that I have with Half.

A friend of mine, Banj, had gotten to know Half and had talked about her to me a little. I then saw her hanging about (no doubt, with intent) and thought to say hi. And since then, I feel like I have met a woman who has become a warm friend and who will become even more of a permanent fixture in my life.

With Half, I feel like we could have been friends in a former life. And the coincidence which may have kept us apart the last time around, has conspired to bring us together this time. And I'm so glad that it has.

This woman is full of grins, compassion, empathy, a wonderful sense of humour and she gives great hugs.

And, you know what? When someone takes the time to hold your hand, even when they themselves are facing high obstacles, then those are the special ones.

In you Half, I see a fantastic, generous, warm woman. And you say that you think that we're similar in many aspects. *smiles. I agree honey. And what a wonderful reflection of ourselves we can see in the other. Thank you for that.

And yes...a hilariously wicked partner in crime. I'm still looking for that padded cell.

Be afraid Banj, be very afraid *mwhaa ha ha

The Boss

Well, its about time, I guess, to introduce a few people, before they start to get bored of purely my ramblings. Plus...I like the idea that I can sneak onto the web at work and smile at you all. No AjaxLife for me I'm afraid.

Oh god....what smaltzy crap am I writing now?

Anyways...The Boss.

Apparently I'm his pain in the arse, well, I hate to disagree (lol! as if!), but I think that its more the other way around! ;)

This man, what can I say? Well, what can I say which won't have you all puking onto your keyboards?

I met him a few months ago. And it has been one hell of a ride ever since.

Alejandro Ferraris - first and foremost he's my friend. I'm lucky enough to have bumped into and found someone who is on my wavelength, who's funny as hell, who has THE sexiest chuckle (which I do as much as I can to invoke). His patience seems to know no bounds, he has a delicious mind and can keep up with me in whatever direction I run. And sometimes knows not to run, but to let me exhaust myself. His mind is a wonder, he can challenge my heart and my head.

He helps me to heal myself.

Don't get me wrong, he ain't a saint! He's a difficult bugger at times, but its worth it. I have what I deserve. And vice versa. A complex, interesting, fun and intelligent person in my life.

He's mastered me like no other could. He leads me along the edge and I'm learning. Learning that as long as I keep my eyes on his, then I won't stumble and fall. That he doesn't want me to fall, that he won't let me fall.

And how he's worked for that trust. From my first cheeky-to-the-point-of-aggressive IM that I sent him, through the laughs and the tears, through the times when I flinched from trusting, when I question, when I demand, when I doubt.

He's seen so many of my sides. And has accepted and embraced every single one.

He even still likes me in spite of them. ;P

He leads and nudges, points something out. And then lets me amble or run along at my pace. He never pulls at my collar. Never threatens.

And be it exploring SL, talking, beating him at backgammon, exchanging ideas and thoughts, being harsh, tender, silly, intimate..he always, always expands my mind, enriches my heart and god, does he make me grin.


And I'm happy to report, that I think that I do the same for him too, now and again at least. *grins

Mio Padrone, you know that your popette could write pages upon pages of all that she thinks about you, but you know it, so I shall spare the rest of them the gut-wrenching embarrassment of having to read my gushing words of adoration. *snorts with laughter and goes to throw up at her own words of schmaltziness.

Kisses to you.

And yes, I know what happens shortly after people go public with their ridiculous romantic statements like this - it is guaranteed to go pear-shaped. ;P

Smart(ie) Arse

God, I'm knackered.

Haven't caught up with the clocks changing yet. Events on at work so I have to drag my arse out of bed earlier. And The Boss yacks on and on and on and on until the wee hours of the morn.

*sighs

Hehehehe..."yacks on" - that'll make a few start flicking through their online dictionaries! And no, he doesn't really. Well he does, but its always yummy stuff being whispered in my ear.

So yes.

My flash of inner reflection sparked and died. And it seems that that was that really.

By the way...I did write "ass" as my title and then was horrified to realise that thanks to SL (have you read the furor over the trademark thingie with LL?? Fekking idiots they are at times, but anyways...I don't think that they'll be coming after me just yet), I have almost forgotten that "ass" is actually an animal. Another word for donkey. What The Boss likes to get his hands on is actually an "arse".

Anyways, yes...sorry...this is Poppy rambling at her best - a totally nonsensical, random load of shite. As promised.

So...what I wanted to actually ask you all - smarties. Why is it, that all smarties taste the same? Other than the orange ones?

*flicks to Wikipedia as she's wittering on...

I don't know how many different colours of smarties there are (scoffed them too quickly, sorry. This isn't a scientific blog you know!), but...well - red, brown, orange, ummm...there used to be blue, but they got banned I think didn't they? Pink is there maybe as is a dull green too. And they all taste the bloody same! Except for the orange. Well...at least the orange USED to taste differently!

(Yup...put "ass" into Wiki and....ha! D.O.N.K.E.Y! The part of your body, also known as "buttocks"...A.R.S.E. In fact...ass doesn't even get a page. And did you know that "arse" was first recorded as being used in the 1400s? And "ass" started to get used at around the 1800s? Typical Americans! You have no history and so have to dumb ours down!)

No, really, sorry...the arse thing keeps interrupting. So, the orange smarty (one smarty, many smarties?) was the only one that actually tasted of anything and now that's stopped. Huh. Why do I still buy the things then?

Other than nostalgic memories for the UK, I guess that I hope that I'll be lucky and find that one packet where the orange ones still taste like they used to. Or maybe they never really tasted any differently and I'm just looking back with rose tinted spectacles.

And smarties..now this is a GREAT question for you! Smarties - do you open the tube and tip them down in one go? Or do you pour them out onto the table and pick out your favourite colours and eat them? And then...do you eat all of one colour and work your way through each group (and save the orange-which-don't-actually-taste-orange-anymore until last!)? Or do you take one colour and then next and then the next?

Answers to all the above on a postcard please.

Oooh...and don't forget to also add - when you have a smarty; do you munch and crunch your way though? Crack the shell and then let the chocolate melt slowly?

*wonders if she'll dare post this...everyone's gonna think that its total and utter drivel!

**to any Americans reading this (and my Google Analytics tells me that there are a few who are so bored that they have nothing better to do ;P)...pinch of salt, sense of humour and all that eh buddy? *gives you a friendly slap on the back

***It IS very possible that you don't know what smarties are. I'm not quite sure that they're terribly international. In which case, sorry. But...good ol Wiki again (and see, ! have been away from the homeland for too long - the blue ones have been re-introduced apparently). Substitute...ummm...M & Ms.

****I don't want to go too overboard now coz it might be different later, but The Boss...he's my orange smarty, an oh-wow-it-tastes-like-it-looks orange smarty.

Get it now?

*smiles sweetly and looks around with wide innocent eyes - who's mad? Me??

Quite possibly, yes.



(photo courtesy of BigFoto.com, coz let's be honest, I would have scoffed them all quicker than I could get my digi cam out!)

Just to prove my last point...

..."I don't think about anything too much....If I think too much, it kind of freaks me out!"
- Pamela Anderson