"You think too much!"

Fuck off! You don't think enough.

Ain't that right Endov, my friend? Thank you. Our chat burned a hole in my brain and made my fingers itch.

And I'm still sweating from pressing "publish post" for the one below. But hehehe...I finally wrote something that means something. To me at least.

But what do I know? I have no perspective.

Perspective

We have it, we can change it and we can lose it. We even have a sense of it - Perspective.

We can all look at one and the same thing and we will all see something different. Different angles, hues - Perspective.

Its grounded in experience, habit, patterns - Perspective.

As I actually feel as if I've lost mine, I'm not too sure if I'm currently witnessing it packing it's bags and leaving me, or if it has already walked out the door weeks ago, shutting it ever so quietly as it left. It could be that I just thought it was popping out for a pint of milk, when in fact it was legging it full speed down the road and onto the next plane.

I can't tell, I have no Perspective, or so it seems.

Yesterday as I discussed our joint potential lack of Perspective with Endov, I felt giddy. Victorious. Nothing could stand in my way. My Perspective was a hindrance to all that I could experience without it. Maybe that's why it left; it felt hurt and thought that it should bugger off. Leave me to it as a lesson to me to see how I fare without it.

Now that I feel that it really might have abandoned me, I miss it. Terribly. My safety blanket has gone. My old friend. There's a gap where it used to be.

A vacuum. Which I notice is rapidly being filled with the enemies of Perspective: Self-doubt and his damned friends, Fear and Insecurity. Perspective should have turned the key in the lock as it left and not left it possible for others to take its place. Inconsiderate bastard.

Maybe I should have sewn a name tag onto Perspective. I could put out a "Lost" notice with my contact details on it. Maybe it will come back when it gets hungry. Perhaps I only mislaid it and if I go back and look everywhere I've been, I might stumble across it again.

I've fallen off an edge you see. And once you've fallen off of that edge, there is no way back to that same spot.

But maybe, maybe it could be that Perspective would make me fall harder and quicker. It would have weighed heavily as I stepped off the edge. Perspective might have dragged me down and have made it that I would be crushed as I landed.

Maybe the fact that Perspective buggered off and left me, maybe that will be the element which helps me to fly, to soar. Maybe without Perspective, I'm lighter.

Perhaps when I scramble back to land again, I'll find that I'm higher than from where I jumped. That the air is cleaner and the view clearer and more beautiful.

And maybe, it could even be possible that if that's the case, then there'll be a new Perspective waiting for me. Sharper, a little wiser, impatient to meet me.

I don't know, I can only hope. But I know that I feel lost and I'd like to rest for a while, cry. But oh, this feeling. Fear and soaring, hope and falling. Its so dizzying, I can't think. Terrifying, exhilarating, mesmerising. The adrenalin is addictive.

I guess that I'll only be able to tell when Retrospection and Introspection come knocking. And that might take a while. They most likely met Perspective on his way out and are sat down the pub laughing their arses off at me over a couple of beers.

Shui Shui

Well...what a small world. And so true...that we don't have to search to find what we're looking for. Sometimes it will find you, even when you don't look.

And an example of how a chance meeting and an extended hand can lead to something.

How a woman I had never met before today, opened up and showed me her art. And told me her story behind it. Stripped herself bare and shared with me.

She showed me herself. And has given me the courage to show myself too.

Thank you Shui.

And I'll know if you do read this, coz if you do....send me the bloody picture and a gallery slurl!!! And then I can edit to add you properly.

Backlog

You're gonna have to bear with me. So much that I need to write, but I can only do it one at a time. If I don't write something; its coming.

My head doesn't allow for me to follow logically. I'm not writing a story here. There is no plot.

I can only do as and when things occur to me. The importance and necessity and urgency swells and ebbs. But all of them are still there and will get spat out.

Internal Debate

Its hard.

I want to write what really goes through my head and the impressions that I gain. Get some structure into the ideas that I have. Put my feelings down somewhere. Get it all down...and out.

But that's the thing I guess which makes starting in that direction hard; I'll be outing myself.

Many people know pieces of me. The Boss sees more of the whole, but is the only one really. And now a few have the blog address and might run their eyes over it now and again. And total strangers might stumble across it when they look at my profile.

When someone forms an opinion of me...it might be wrong or it might be in the general right direction but either way, its at a distance and I can shrug it all off very easily. But if they read me and then form an opinion, it might be closer.

Putting it down and "public", isn't that opening myself up for attack too? Am I that confident that I can write about things that really matter to me, knowing that someone will read it, someone who doesn't know me in my complexities. Someone who doesn't care about me necessarily.

Its a big step of trust. In myself, and in the stranger who reads this one day. Trust that they themselves are human and emotional. That they might see a little of themselves reflected somewhere.

SLugs

!hug

Such a stupid thing really. Two bunches of pixels copying a hug. That's all it is.

But then again, its so much more. The power of the mind is an exceptional thing. And a hug is what feeds our souls.

So, even if I can't *really* do it...remember that when I write !hug... that I am thinking of you. With all my might, I'm holding you close. No words, just a shoulder and a warm heart. I'm reaching out in the only way that I can.

Cy, Half, Fran. My wonderful ladies - I slurve you to pieces and I wrap you in my thoughts, even if I can't in my arms.

Cat Boccaccio - SL Art

Word of mouth functions better in SL than in RL - or so I think anyway.

And I want to add to it.

I found this lovely lady through a (now) mutual friend (thanks Carlton!). I was after a profile picture and Carlton told me about his friend - Cat - who was exhibiting.

A few IMs back and forth and then I went to one of the galleries showing her work and was blown away. I mean, ok, I'm no art critic or anything, but the girl has...well, an "eye". She does custom and erotic art and photography with beautiful touches...the lighting is just stunning.

Guess that ties in nicely with her group and name Cat's Eye. And there really was no pun intended...but if you go and see her work and want to keep up-to-to-date with what she's doing etc, then search for her group and join.

And no, she doesn't use those silly and tacky sl photo studios, which are a personal pet hate of mine. She's a darling lady and takes the time to chat with you to find out what you want and she then adds her own touch. And in regards me....she's patient as hell with me and my little "could we perhaps, possibly, maybe change this tiny weeny detail which no-one else will ever notice, but I'm such a pain that I would really love to have this instead...".

Can't recommend her highly enough; lovely, tasteful, individual, erotic, stunning, artistic, detailed, lovingly crafted.

And that's just Cat herself. ;P

She's currently showing her work at the following galleries:

Gallerie du Parlement, Mountain High Gallery and Small World Art Gallery.

Small World Gallery is also really worth taking a look around as it showcases rl artists who have brought their work into sl.

Please, go take a look.

People like this should be supported. Not only do they have the imagination and skill to make something of their time here in sl, but they are passionate and make all of our sl a prettier place.

*sighs in frustration

Oh...for expandable posts...I'm looking! I'm looking!

Well, I've found, but I'm too stupid to get the hack right.

Bear with me until then!

What's in a name?

"What's in a name? That which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet."

Romeo and Juliet (II, ii, 1-2)

The Boss and I were talking about nicknames the other day. He thought it would be amusing for me to list all my nicknames in my profile. I ran out of space though. But..oh! Look at this! I have a blog! Ha! I can fit them all in here!

So...

I am seen reacting to nicknames, collected from several friends - Doughnut, Pops, Opium and Miss Poppins. All quite cutsie, well, other than "Doughnut" anyways. But that one has nothing to do with eating, or holes! Remember the famous JFK speech about doughnuts? No? I ain't explaining it - its obvious. And Opium..ohhh, I get an image of a sultry, sexy, dark-haired woman in a desert somewhere with that. Soooo not me! *wonders if she actually got that image from the remnants of a memory of a 1980s Opium perfume ad

But, soppy thing that I am, my absolute favourites are those which come from The Boss.

He, The Boss, started off by always calling me his "pain in the ass". I think that he got peeved writing that out all the time...way to long.

So then he moved to Popette...a very sweet take on Poppet that Mattie came up with initially, I think. But, although very endearing, I don't think that he could quite push all of his amused, shaking-his-head-at-me frustration into that one word. "Wench" is a favourite too at the moment, which goes more in the right direction.

So now there is a whole plethora of adjectives which he uses: handful, picky, naughty hungry & cheeky included to add or detract from his emphasis. Poor man.

But he manages to always have a a glint in his eye and a chuckle when he says it...mostly anyways.

The absolute newest, and I fear this one will stick firmly: Troietta. *sighs and then chuckles. For any non-Italians out there, this can best be translated as meaning "strumpet", but possibly a little more...more....well...

Yes, you get the idea.

Thing is though, since I put this in my profile, I get the Italians all IMing me and chuckling their backsides off! One wanted me to tell him in technicolour detail how "troietta-ish" I was. Oh please! As if. Spent a pleasant half hour winding him up - I even got him to beg, how wonderful! And then didn't give him any details. Yes, yes...boo, hiss.

*snorts.

So...a name. Mine. Poppy. Poppy Weston.

Nicknames are nice. They mean a connection, a shared experience or feeling with someone. Some secret (there are others which The Boss uses, of course, but....hehehe, not telling!), others everyone might use, but how nice to have that added feeling of emotion to your name. That little story behind how that nickname came to be.

I never chose Poppy as a name due to any rl connection. But now...her name is a part of me as much as I am of her.

And yes, I most likely would turn to look if someone called it in a busy street.

Lead "Character"

So...*waves and smiles a little shyly...hey there!

I'm Poppy.

I'm not generally known for being all that shy to be honest. But, there's a first time for everything.

What to say about myself? Sooooo much really..hahahaha! No, really. I mean, this is my blog. It's essentially THE biggest ego trip ever! Hehehehe.

Nah, you'll see, I won't just paint a picture of myself. *smiles very sweetly and cutely...I promise.

So lil Poppy...well...this will be an ongoing thing really, I guess. But Poppy was born Autumn, 2007. Let me add, that she does have a "sister" and a "brother", so she kinda had a head start when it came to SL and finding her way around.

And yes, I know that one can't admit to alts and not "defend" one's actions. More on that topic at a later date. So hush!

All in all, I've been here for over a year now. I even remember the good ol days, before Voice! *stretches her aching, weary bones.

I'm lucky; I have a great group of friends (more on them later too...do I have to ask their permission to put them in here? Hmmm), and....well...The Boss. You'll hear a bit more about him in the coming posts too. And he has said that its ok that I write about him...bless him, for he knows not what he does in saying that! *cackles evilly.

I'm based in Europe and freely admit to being an addict. I'm very close to being in my 30s...*clings on for dear bloody life to still being in her 20s...and I do quite a bit in SL.

And...my aim: to make whoever reads this tosh, chuckle, lol and / or grin. The last person who read my profile sent me an IM...just to say thanks for a nice 5 minutes reading it. And that's all I want from this really.

To laugh and to be touched...that makes life (real, second or otherwise) what it should be. Or what I want it to be, at least.

A good argument is always fun too, so please feel free to bitch around too. ;P

Setting the Scene

So, ok...what exactly is the point of this blog? Well, good question. Dunno. I have nothing better to do maybe?

No, really...its like this - my head is always so full. And I spend so much time in SL. And apparently I can write and am moderately amusing and intelligent when the wind is blowing in the right direction. So someone (well, a few people actually) suggested that I start a blog.

And here it is.

I personally think that said person is fed up with me wittering on and on at them and is hoping that this will help. Fat chance!

But...this is finally the idea that I could never come up with myself - a platform to get my thoughts and impressions down. It IS gonna be mostly SL based. My tips (the tricks I'll leave to the professionals, coz I ain't got the slightest clue about building and such), my thoughts that come as a result...and so on and so forth.

We'll see what comes out of it as a result. And to be fair, I'm not writing this to end up being a well-known SL commentator. I'm writing it....coz I wanna write. It might just help me feel sane. You know, just to get it out of my head and onto "paper" (ooh, what a quaint notion!).

Honestly?

At the end of the day..my SL profile was just too damned small ;)

Dress Rehersal

So, I'm busy fiddling with the design of this little new endeavour of mine...anything to put off actually feeling happy enough with it all to actually give out the address to anyone. Plus...I can't put it out there like this - someone might actually click on it on my profile and read it. And there's sweet FA here!

So, today I'm proud of myself - I managed to get from two columns to three and get rid of that ugly duckling navi bar at least. I now consider myself a computer nerd who can hack codes. I'm seriously considering now trying to hack into my bank account and trying something there, but....hmmm. Maybe a little more practice first.

Poppy is currently sat in her field as I write. Listening to music over SL and I keep flicking back and forth to see if The Boss is gonna be able to make it tonight. But looking at the time, its not looking very likely. One mo....*sighs...nope, still not there. Ah well. Guess no wi-fi. My god, what do people do with no Internet??? I go crazy is what I do, but there must be people out there who can cope. Do they take medication I wonder...hmmm.

Anyways, rambling for rambling's sake is silly, but I promised The Boss that he would be the first to get the address and I want to send him something to make him chuckle...and so I'll just write blah blah for the sake of it.

;P

*kisses

Edit: The Boss made it after all! I'm thrilled. Beat him soundly at Backgammon which is always nice, although dangerous for my ass. And not only that, but now that the first member of the audience has arrived, the show can begin!

Disclaimer

Well, I've gotten this far, and so have you if you're reading.

*pats us both on the back

So, I have to add, in my defence really, that there is every possibility that we both suffer horrific injuries and maybe even death through this little excursion into my head.

I can barely accept responsibility for my own mind and am not going to deal with yours. If anything that you read here NOT be funny or bring a smile to your lips, or be of the remotest interest, then I strongly recommend that you adjust your seat belt and press that cute little red and white cross which is normally to be found at the top right of your screen.

Alternatively, feel free to write me, here or in-world, and I'll be more than delighted to give you the full contact details of the people who encouraged me to do this. Its possible that they were drunk at the time and will now deny all knowledge, but hey, I'd rather that you take out your frustration and boredom on them than me. :)