Saturday, 12 April 2008

"The Red Bottom Express", Author Unknown

I keep reading this in the profile of Elytherial (Ely) Luna and have been wanting to share it for ages. I saw her today and asked her if it was ok for me to pinch it (the list, not her bottom!), and it is (thanks Ely!), so here it is...

What NOT to say to your Master:

1. Pushing limits does not mean making Master so angry the vein above his right eye throbs.
2. "Quit it!" "Ow, damnit!" "I'm hiding that toy when you go to work tomorrow" and cursing a blue streak are not safe words.
3. "Oh my god, where did you get those, they are gorgeous!!!" is not considered boot worship.
4. "Ya want fries with that?", "Want me to drink it for you too?" are not appropriate remarks when Master gives you an elaborate drink order.
5. Flipping your Master off while your hands are cuffed behind your back is a bad idea. Owners have ways of knowing these things.
6. Putting lube, goop, Superglue, ink or any other substance that will sully the hands of Master on his toys while setting up for a session is not a good idea.
7. Kicking that toy you hate far under the bed is futile. Master will only secure your wristcuffs to your anklecuffs and make you crawl for it... repeatedly.
8. "Bite me" is never an intelligent response to a command.
9. Doing your Beavis and Butthead imitation of "Fire, fire, fire, fire!" during Master's lecture on fireplay safety is considered rude.
10. Responding with "Yes, All Wise, All Knowing Grand Imperial Weenie" is not appropriate when Master asks you if you are comfortable during a bondage scene.
11. Asking to go to the bathroom every five minutes while Master practices his Japanese rope work on you will try his patience, quickly.
12. Crossing your eyes and sticking your tongue out while your Master is discussing your punishment is not wise.
13. There is no such thing as slave immunity, free slave day, or the pms defense.
14. The slave jury might not convict you, but the Master judge will override the verdict. Count on it.
15. Pretending Master's collection of buttplugs are toys and singing the "Weebles wobble but they won't fall down" song is not a good idea.
16. Repeatedly blowing out each candle Master lights during wax play will get you punished.

Well, I thought that they were cute ;P


Banjac Serevi said...

Been trying to resist the urge to respond to this post. Now I have stopped laughing the time is right....
Especially like the "Bite me" line.
Classic stuff.

Poppy said...

Yes...but If I said "bite me" to The Boss, he'd respond by actually doing that ;P

*gazes out the window thoughtfully, twirling her finger in her hair....

opps, yes, sorry...ummm...where was I?

Glad you enjoyed :))

Oh yes...a tad "American", but still found it quite fun.