I'm aware

that my last posts might make worrying reading.

The point of my writing is not to worry anyone. Its meant as a way to let off steam from my busy mind and have a giggle at times and to write about things that touch me or annoy me.

I debated deleting a few of my posts, but then I thought again.

Another reason that I write is that I wonder if sometimes others have thoughts like I do (mostly I think that its quite unlikely lol) and maybe are a little relieved.

I'm not going to delete anything I write, in fact I want to write something now which some might consider brave and might make some worry more or pity me. I don't do it to be pitied, nor to make people worry. And I'm not being brave. Maybe I'm being selfish in that it helps my head and maybe I'm doing something good because I want people to understand.

I suffer from depression. And I want those close to me to understand this and maybe it might help if you can gain a clearer impression of what it is from someone who deals with it. I know that some of the people close to me feel at times bewildered and scared and a little helpless when confronted with this. Unsure of what they can do or how to react.

Maybe you yourself have had moments in life or maybe someone close to you have episodes. Either way, maybe me writing about it can help. I hope so. This is only my experience and I'm sure each person's is different, but there are common themes and having someone talk openly about something which is still seen as taboo might help you with some insights.

All my life I've been "over-sensitive" and I like that side of me. But my adult life has been plagued with depressive episodes.

Its hard to describe it all....how do you describe the pain of a migraine to someone who has only ever had a few headaches here and there? A lot of people don't want to understand depression and consider it whinging or as someone being "weak". Unable or unwilling to cope. They see it as an equivalent maybe of a soul headache...take a few tablets and it will go away. Get on with things and it will disappear. Just a hiccup and stop moaning. Look around you and see what others have to deal with...you have a decent life in comparison and don't be so pathetic or ungrateful.

Well, I've heard all this before and more. Sometimes, although rarely from others, but mainly from myself. And now is the time to sit down and deal with things.

So what is depression and what does it feel like?

Very hard to explain and I'm not a doctor. From what I've read (a lot) and what I've experienced its one or all or a mix of several things: chemical, hormonal (are they the same? Don't know) and experience. Its one of the really hard things - if I had a broken arm, its visible and the medical community can heal it quickly and its done with.

A broken soul isn't so easy.

With me...I have lots and lots of time when I feel absolutely fine. I feel "normal" and content, happy and hopeful and with energy. Daily life is easy and takes no thought. Life has its normal ups and downs and I cope with it all like you do. You just get on with it.

But sometimes something happens and that all changes. With me, it creeps up. Imagine a volcano....this feeling of darkness, its always there, but mostly its just bubbling away under the surface. Sometimes even so far down that even I don't notice it. Then a little eruption will occur. And I can dampen that down myself normally and life gets back to normal. I've gotten exceptionally good at recognising the warning rumbles within myself and at fire fighting little break outs. No-one else would ever notice. But then these episodes gain in frequency and in strength. And then there's the big one. With me, it seems to be every two or so years.

Of course...I'm strong and capable and I look at others around me with so much more stress and difficulty in their private lives and I laugh at myself and tell myself not to be such an idiot. And so the cycle continues. And doesn't get solved. And so it comes again. And each time it feels worse.

I tried to describe it to a friend of mine and I shall try and tell you. Again, it is most likely different for everyone, but this might give you an inkling.

Sometimes there is a trigger which I am aware of (at the time or after) or sometimes I can't put my finger on what it was. My adult head tells me to react and behave one way. My emotional side says other things. These two parts of me seem to speak a different language and both struggle to understand the other. I get confused and stuck and scared and panicky. I see no answer and I imagine all the worst-case scenarios. My thoughts whirl around in circles and go down and down. Still I can hear my and your thoughts saying "well, just get a grip".

That's the thing, you can't. You tell yourself that, but you don't always have the tools, the coping strategies to do this. Medical thought will tell you that sometimes people like me have something missing which helps our thought processes.

I feel my energy draining out of me. Mental energy, not physical. But it affects you physically too - I can barely walk, my limbs feel leaden. The pure mental effort to keep going in all aspects is exhausting. You go into some kind of survival mode. The worst aspect is that you end up in your head with the view that there is no point. Hopelessness is a classic sign. The level of this feeling generally will indicate how serious things are. Luckily I have never been to the point where I want to do anything violent against myself. If you yourself ever reach this point or if you know someone who has voiced this to you - please...be gentle and hold on. Tight. And get help immediately. Someone who is at this point is totally and utterly unable to help themselves. The only control that they feel that they can gain is the control over stopping the hell that is going on inside of them. They may be ashamed of not being able to cope with something they consider stupid and as such are unable to ask for help. They despair of ever being able to function normally. That light at the end of the tunnel which we normally know to be there we are unable to recognise it or see it ourselves. Its most unlikely that someone wishes to hurt themselves seriously, its normally a despairing cry for help.

And that's the main message to those of you who have the frustrating and at times worrying job of caring for and loving someone who has these moments - you can tell us 1000 times. And please don't ever stop. But the problem is...we have something inside of us which won't allow us to believe you. I see a difference between knowing something and truly believing it. I know that life is good and that things will always keep going and that everything will be good and normal again. At moments when I'm in this pit...I just can't see or believe it. And the strength to clamber out of that dark hole is flowing out of me. The mental effort is huge and overwhelming. Its not that we don't want to...its crappy in that hole...we. just. can't.

I often have thoughts of disappearing, as I posted before. But I wanted to explain that better. When I'm feeling down....I feel so desperately sad. No hope that it will ever change. I know that it will get better again, but I know that this will happen again. I despair. I try so hard to keep a grip and I wonder why. What's the point? I work so hard at trying to keep this thing under control. Its the mental equivalent of keeping your hand in a tight fist constantly. And yet it keeps coming. I try so unbelievably hard to look at the triggers and try to learn to cope with them in another way. I work hard on dealing with certain aspects of my past and to try and improve myself as a human being. And yet it still keeps coming back and rearing its head. And the hopelessness overwhelms me. And with this, the energy, the pure effort of will to keep going and smiling and getting on with life starts to drain. And I feel that happening. So I fight harder. The thoughts start up and I get stuck. I panic. Most people have had some kind of panic attack or at least one depressive moment, so I'm hoping that you have a grasp of this feeling.

Last week, I had a panic attack which lasted 3 days. I had the feeling in me that I wanted to just disappear. To let go of fighting. That thought frightened the hell out of me. Again...nothing violent. I just get this overwhelming desire to crawl into bed and never get up again. I feel totally burnt out and I imagine that's what a break down really is. Life always carries on, sure. But it can carry on without me.

Fortunately, I managed to hold on as I normally manage to do. But the feeling was so strong that it scared me. And so I'm finally going to get help. I am not worthless and as such I deserve to get better and draw a line under some things and be supported whilst I heal. Because that's it with me - I'm a little ill in some corners of my heart. I'm not mad, I'm not just whinging. I'm normally very strong and capable and I love life. And I'm not going to risk that this damned illness gets me to a place where I do contemplate something bad against myself. And the work to come back from the brink is sad and long. I would rather start dealing with it now.

So I shall talk to someone who is equipped to help me. I shall say all the things that I've held tight inside of me for 16 yrs and I shall let them out in a controlled and safe environment. I shall learn step by step that the coping strategies that I learnt then have no place in my life now. And I shall try damned hard to learn new ones. Ones which are right and fitting for a 30 yr old woman who has a happy and good life, who will have to deal with sadness and shite, but who will do that in an adult way. And not a scared 14 yr old's way.

And for those of you who are on the sidelines and have the horrible job of looking on whilst someone you care about slides from being the normal person who you know and like into some stranger with behaviour that you can't get your head around...?

I ask that you try to talk to the person. Non-judgementally. You don't have to understand, you have to empathise. Its possible that they are ashamed and don't like being seen as being weak. They're not. They're ill. They sometimes will not even recognise that they are in need of help. Its a hard balance to suggest to them that they might need some proper support and them just having a bad moment which we all do. Research it a little yourself and maybe get them to too. Wiki has a great couple of articles. Most of all, keep reassuring them. Please. Its damned lonely in your head and heart when you're feeling this way. Accept that they will also have good moments too! And maybe lots of them!

I have great friends who I have spoken to about things. And they empathise and some even really understand as they've been there at least once. I'm learning to be gentler and less harsh with myself. And in the right moments, I can even have a joke and a giggle about it. It takes away from the scariness and makes it more dealable. But do so in a way which still takes the affected person seriously.

Obviously I haven't spoken to everyone about it as its none of their business. And funnily enough, half of my social circle wouldn't even believe me as I'm the typical life and soul of the party. Funny huh? You never know what goes on in people's hearts.

Depression is an illness and there are many ways to deal with it. In regards to me, if you know me....I'm not breakable. Don't tiptoe around me. I'm not dying and it will get better. Laughs and love are soooo important. And any "bad news"....well...I am still an adult and running away from things won't help. Don't try to shield me. The majority of the time, life is fine and I'm good. Mini outbreaks are always dealt with me normally and I accept them. And remember that I'm going for help. No need to wrap me up in cotton wool. I try to indicate what I need and am even trying very hard to be able to actually articulate it clearly. We're still allowed to have fun and get pissed off like "normal" people do without depression being thrown in our face. I won't use it as an excuse to behave badly and expect the same from others. And sometimes a sulky strop moment is just that. ;D

I don't expect anyone to solve my problems. Only I can do that. I hope though that you can find it in yourself to just hold my hand and prop me up now and again when the path gets a little rough.

And I'm working with the local life street department to make sure that I find the right shoes to deal with the rocky paths. They don't seem to have enough budget to repair life's roads and make them smoother, so we're just going to make sure that I have the right equipment to deal with it.

*poofs

I'm turning my laptop off and signing out for a tiny while.

Nothing too bad, but consider me afk for a while.

The weather forecast says sun and warmth again for the weekend, maybe it will even start on Fri.

Here's hoping.

brb

Do you ever...

....feel like you're disappearing?

I do. Only at times. And not all that often. But sometimes I have this feeling that if I were just to puff out of existence, then...well what then? Well, I guess I have this feeling that no-one would notice and that I wouldn't even maybe mind if that were the case.

Now...do NOT think that this means that I lean towards suicidal feelings!!! It most certainly does not!

And I know of course in my head that I would be missed by quite a few.

Its not about either of those two issues. So no wide eyes and messages of great concern please!

One of the reasons that I decided to have this blog was so that I could write shite like this.

I often wonder if others think thoughts like this and have feelings similar to those I do. With all the mish mash of humanity out there, I surely cannot be alone. Its just that people never talk openly about this kind of thing I suppose. I'm not surprised really. Those who don't think this way must be horrified!

Hmmm....I don't profess to speak for anyone other than the voices in my head.

lol! Only joking! There's only one voice in my head and its firmly mine.

I have no clue if I'm a little loopy or perhaps I'm what many might term as "over-sensitive". Maybe I'm totally and utterly plain boring and you lot are just silly and never speak these kinds of things aloud and let me sit here thinking I'm a loon. A conspiracy perhaps!

*shrugs. I guess it doesn't really matter either way. I actually quite like the quirky thoughts that I have and the way that my mind works.

I'm going through a bit of this "poofing" phase at the moment. I feel unsocial and ready for Autumn. I want to be alone and quiet and introspective. With my teddy and a snuggle blanket and a pot of my favourite tea. On the other hand I pull away a little like this and I get sad if no-one notices.

To out myself even more...I bought a cat basket for myself in sl. I'm a little embarrassed about this on the one hand, on the other I couldn't give a toss what others think. As I post now, poppy is curled up in her basket all snug and warm and safe. And it helps to a large degree. Funny. I have her basket in a nice corner at The Boss' house. It's only for one and has a few sweet poses (cheeky, fun, quiet, sad). Its great for when I don't want to talk, as I can let him know how I feel just through the pose. Its a different way to how I normally communicate, but its good. Different, but good at certain times.

And even though he isn't here, it isn't just for communication with him. Its for *me*. I'm not turning nekko, but I like the fact that I can use it to "allow" myself to feel a little down or sad and for it to be ok in that moment. It never lasts forever but I'm always quite tough on myself when I'm feeling wobbly. My kitty basket "let's" me do that.




Not really related, but it just kind of occurred to me...I once was with someone and even though I can't exactly recall the exact circumstances I think that I had been a little insecure about something. It can happen a lot with me. I know this and I also mostly have a fair idea of what I need to make me feel safe and better. In this instance I told the other person that my head and my emotions seem to be at odds with one another at times and speak a different language to one another. I said that my head *knew* something but that my heart never *believed* it. And for me to maybe learn to bring these two together and really feel and believe that I was full of worth, I told him that maybe I need to be told these things..by myself of course and also by others in my life. Particularly maybe those who are romantically involved in my life. His response? Even if he told me 1000 times, I still wouldn't believe him.

This relationship didn't last.

The Boss...he tells me..he keeps telling me. Maybe I won't believe him until the 2056th time. Maybe I'll learn and believe by the 873rd time. But he never stops. He doesn't stop believing in me and he doesn't stop holding on tight to me.

I really can't tell you what that means to me and how it makes me feel.




Maybe it is related to what I was writing about before. It makes me feel as if I'm real, that I exist. That it would matter if I wasn't there. It makes me feel safe and warm and protected, just like my kitty basket does. He doesn't cling or smoother, he's just there. And god am I grateful for that. He let's me be me, even with all my silly and funny and crazy thoughts. He even encourages me to be me. He likes me.

*smiles and posts and turns the light off and snuggles down to watch a Sex and the City re-run.

Oh yes....

....since I haven't been out and about in SL for weeks and weeks...

...which means that no-one who doesn't know me would be looking at my blog (coz I haven't yet worked out how I get listed on any search engines, not that I've actually bothered to apply myself to this task yet)...

...and since my clever little gadget / widget / thingie shows me from what countries and towns you all log in from (yes, read the link, second one after this one and be warned!) has been keeping a clever eye on you all...

...who is the lucky bastard who's gone to Thailand???

Tuesday Blues

I'm not a big fan of Tuesdays. Last weekend is a fast fading memory and the coming weekend is bloody miles away. The only thing of any use to a Tuesday is the fact that it means that Monday is done with.

*sighs

I'm known at work for being the chirpy one on the balcony for a quick ciggie at 10:20am on a Monday morning (bearing in mind that I generally start work at 10:00 on Mondays coz my duvet just will not let me go) who tells everyone that its nearly the weekend.

Really, I can make myself feel that way and I try to pass this happy feeling to my depressed Monday weary colleagues.

Its easy, it just takes a bit of imagination - Monday at about 13:00 is the best time to do this actually. The fact that Monday morning is officially out of the way and its nearly Wednesday. Well, this time tomorrow Tuesday is nearly gone and as such its nearly Wednesday. See...easy! If you can imagine that its virtually Wednesday, then my god...Friday is only a tiny step away really. I imagine that lovely feeling on a Wednesday evening when you know that you only have one full day until the start of the weekend. Coz Fridays don't really count as you start the weekend on that day.

To encourage this bit of delusional thinking, the Germans sometimes "celebrate" what's known as Bergfest (Mountain Party - the top of the "mountain" being the middle of the week...geddit?). On a Wednesday evening you go down the pub and celebrate that you've gotten through half the week. According to my thinking, Wednesday evening is more than half a week - even more reason to celebrate! Failing everything else, you at least have a monster hang over to cover the feeling of having to work. Civilised these Germans, love it!

They even have a saying: "Ab eins, macht jeder seins". This is based on the older bureaucratic jobs where you left the office at 13:00 on a Friday. I'm still working on this. It would help my imagination that little bit more. The boss (notice the lack of capital letter...talking about the work boss not The Boss) isn't keen, although I have put together an action plan which would explain the huge benefits involved in such a motivational management decision. I just gotta work out the right time to present it to him.

I think that the real reason I'm feeling miffed...I'm missing The Boss (not the work one..I see him every day). I'm ok..I know that he's coming back and the poor man - poppy must be exhausting at times (see above for example of popette's crazy head). No...I'm not feeling bad at all, but I still miss him. Its a positive thing, not a negative. My flatmate has (thankfully) buggered off for 10 days and I think that I'm a little melancholy. Maybe that's the wrong word as I don't want you to get the idea that I'm feeling down or depressed as I'm not. Maybe I'm a little introspective. I'm very much enjoying spending time on my own, but I've actually noticed a slight physical ache when I think of The Boss, a certain restlessness.

*sighs

Its located someone in the vicinity of my breastbone. How bizarre. lol

Mind you, with my imagination maybe its just all in my head. Who knows?

The Boss should be back over the weekend, but then jets off for a few days for work. So its a little hard to know in which direction I have to aim my delusions in - towards Sat / Sun or towards next Weds/Thurs??? - as we're not quite sure when he can manage to get online.

Its damned hard on the brain, being me, you know!

Keeps me occupied though - having to decide that today being Tuesday evening actually means that its virtually the weekend, or that today being Tuesday means that its almost the same time next week and only one more day to go.

I dread to ask this question as I'm seriously scared about the lack of reply (although the pharmaceutical industry will be happy to have confirmation that I'm mad)...but does anyone else think like this? Not necessarily in this example (although anyone prepared to put their hands up and be counted - I shall love you for life), but generally...this weird constant conversation with oneself on the most bizarre topics.....?

I'm not yet sure if I should have the grace to be embarrassed for telling you all this or not.

I shall discuss it with myself and let you know what conclusion we come to.

Tasers, duct tape and cuffs - available in RL for the ultimate kick!

Apologies for all (2 of) my regular readers who have already had this link sent to them (by me whilst laughing my arse off), but I think that this needs to be shared:

A warning - if you're going to meet some loon from SL in RL, then make sure that you don't own any doggies!

I'm sorry, maybe I shouldn't laugh as I can imagine that it must be terrible to be stalked...but really, this woman is a freaking nutcase!! (And please please please watch the little TV report...coz when you see that picture of the woman in RL....oh good Lord! Poppy is no work of art in rl, but....)

Anyone want to start a proper discussion on the benefits and pitfalls of meeting in RL, let me know. Otherwise enjoy the chuckle.

Hmmm..maybe I should write a little about that...

Lulu Cuffs and gags

Ok I've plugged the Real Restraints and now I want to tell you about my personal favourite in terms of cuffs and gags.

Again...I'm not a click and sit back and watch kinda gal, but I do enjoy the added "reality" given by some of the toys in sl.

Restraints can give the added visual effect, but only a few actually do what restraints would do in rl - restrict.

The most intuitive cuffs that I've ever found are from Lulu.

They are NOT cheap, I warn you now. But you get free updates for life when you buy them and they are THE cleverest that I've found.

Set-up is complicated the first time that you do it, but the instructions are very clear and once you've gotten the idea, then any updates etc are then easy. Initial set up took me about half an hour I must admit and I would advise being somewhere with no lag and that you just take your time.

The huge benefit of these is that there is no scramble in your inv to attach cuffs or a gag. No no, once its all set up and you have the hud on, then your owner can attach or detach whenever they feel like it. The system is also great in that once you have re-sized and saved positions, then the system doesn't forget..even when you update and have to get a new hud - you can transfer all your stats (transferring - concentrate a lot, coz its confusing as hell the first time that you have to do it!).

The poses and the movements are elegant and realistic for those of you who need that visual kick (and lets face it, sl should be pretty!), and the head factor is great when the cuffs are used.

As far as I'm aware the gags have full RestrainedLife compatibility although I haven't played with the cuffs and RL so I'm not sure about them.

I've spent about 5000L$ on my Lulu gear (2 gags and the cuff set with thigh and arm plugins), but you can get the basic set for cheaper and I just added to it as and when I could.

They're compatible with most of the popular restraint systems too, so no need to have to renew anything else.

Very highly recommended!

RestrainedLife Viewer

You may have already have heard of Marine Kelley and her Real Restraint products and her sideline of developing an alternative / add-on sl viewer. But for those of you who haven't I wanted to let you all know about it.

Marine develops, makes and sells a whole series of very clever and deliciously naughty restraints for sl. I myself only have the shibari sets and not the others, but I've spoken to a few people and oh my....

What I really wanted to tell you about though is her RestrainedLife Viewer.

I have absolutely no idea as to the technical bits and how it works, all I know is that it works.

The RLViewer is downloaded (for more specific details and to get to the site where you can download, click here) and then you need to unpack the .zip file and shove the lot into your normal SL file.

From there I got another desktop icon and so I now have the normal sl and the RL viewer.

So what does it actually do?

Well, its only of use to anyone who wants that added spice to sl. In a D/s relationship within sl it can lend that extra bit of "reality", especially for people like me who "feel" sl.

If the subbie has this viewer then it allows his or her dom/me to have an added element of control. You can basically control almost every element - IMs, chat, teleporting, access to map, inv and so on and so forth.

Obviously...choose extremely carefully if you are interested in this and then with whom you would play with!

For my part, The Boss and I had spoken about it in the past and I was less than enthusiastic. I have no interest in an sl where my chat and IMs have been banned and where I can't tp. For me its fairly pointless and I would just turn off my pooter and go watch paint dry, it would be more interesting. However, I can understand the need that some have for a high level of control and to be isolated at times and in certain situations. Its just not for me. Thankfully, its also not something that The Boss is interested in either.

My experience with it so far (I heard about it months ago, but only downloaded it last week) is that it seems fairly simple to set up. I have an Amethyst collar and got the plug in for it and all the commands go through that.

And the rest? Well, The Boss and I wanted it for only a few reasons. One...a bit of uncertainty on my part really...we've spoken a lot about what would be acceptable and what not, but I still have to trust him not to block my IMs and then sod off (should that ever happen then you could sign out and then sign in with the normal viewer and things would work as normal, which isn't the point of course, but there IS a way out). I believe so firmly that he would never risk anything with me to play silly buggers, so I'm fine with it, but I still get that nice little nervous feeling.

The main reason though....he can dress or undress me! Hehehehe..he has no interest in using his popette as a barbie doll so the main reason is the second reason. You can buy scripts which you add to prim clothing so another can take them off, but its limited only to prims and permission is always asked. Through a (fairly complex) system of changing some of your inv (detailed instructions on Marine's blog) so that items that you choose are "shared", the other person (not everyone) can then peel off that sexy top or jacket that you have on.

You can also lock on items, but that's not all that interesting for me either, but there's a huge amount of stuff that you can do with it.

I have to admit that we did try out the IM ban. I have a gag which would normally only ever stop chat and you can work around it normally through emoting (/me). We use this frequently as a giggle whilst out and about at Roissy or such and The Boss and I are normally chuckling away over skype at the same time. So poppy is less than "gagged". Personally I think that The Boss would die of boredom if I were gagged for any amount of time. However, now and again...rarely, but still...a gag should do what it is meant to. We tried it out in conjunction with the viewer and stopped all chat and all IM. God it was frustrating!!! Hated it and felt very isolated. Thankfully it was a test just to try out how everything worked. What I did love though is that The Boss could set that I could IM him. In certain situations I can see the benefits of this - it made me feel quite peaceful actually. I could "whisper" away in his ear, but there was no pressure on me to have to talk to anyone else. Nice.

Everyone uses sl in a slightly different way and that again depends on the person opposite you. I'm not a huge fan of things like Xcite and jumping on poseballs and sitting back and watching a bit of pixel porn. So most toys are fairly silly to my eyes. At most they're are props to help with the exchange of feeling. But this viewer is maybe one little prop which is quite powerful.

I guess that the viewer is certainly not for everyone. And like I said before I would be wary of who I used it with and what was acceptable and what isn't. The Boss and I have been with one another for 7 months and so...What you actually end up doing with it and how, is left only to your imagination and that of your partner.

And now for the 16:00 round up of this week's events

So I thought that I should do a general round up kind of thing before I get stuck back in.

Today the weather has been crappy and autumnal so I've been busy cleaning and airing the house and doing the washing and stuff. The event season starts back up for me in a few weeks and so time to get everything in order again I guess. But now the flat is sparkling and I have my snuggle rug out ready for the shitty weather with a cup of tea next to me.

I actually quite like Autumn, fav time of year. I love wet and windy Sunday afternoons curled up on the sofa or bed with a pot of tea and a good book or black and white film.

Anyway, I digress (like that never normally happens!)...

I got back from holiday and went back to work. That's it really! lol How depressing, I know. I'm currently convinced that the rest of my life will consist of: work, weekend, work, weekend, work, weekend for an unknown amount of time until death. Happy thoughts eh?

Tan is fading and I've finally unpacked and now it looks and feels as if I was never away.

Pah! Having a tan is great and I'm going to do the unthinkable and go and lay my white arse on a sunbed a few times a month I think. Especially with winter coming up. Don't want to look like a tangerine or anything, but I do look and feel better with a hint of colour.

Other than that...hmmm...well, I've been spending a lot of time with The Boss and its been fabulous. Yes, he's still kicking around and hasn't rolled his eyes so much at me that he's thrown his hands up and run off. 7 months now....I'm beginning to wonder if he is maybe a bit of a masochist.

After I got my half a sim, I managed to finally convince him that his plot on the mainland was ugly, crowded and shite and that he should get in touch with Joshua Sao and see if he had anything. Josh is great - he had nothing so what does he do? Buys a new sim. lolol Thankfully the other two 1/4 plots went quickly.

It seems that the neighbours keep themselves to themselves and I think that they're on another time zone which is always nice. One has done a nice job on his island, but the other one...oh dear. She's gone and dumped a fugly black cube store on it. I am not a happy bunny! Josh has a policy that his sims have no covenant which is fair enough, especially when it comes to things like taste (or not, as is the case with "her"). But I am a little miffed that commercial stuff can go up like that. Hahaha...and its not even my land, but I spend enough time there for it to irritate me.

I'd be happy if she moved the black box thing up into the sky, but it still remains to be seen if she's actually a decent enough skin maker or photographer to generate any customers. If it gets laggy, then Josh will step in apparently.

I AM very tempted though - I have these huge ghost prims...the actual prim is on your land, but the ghost part can be rotated (normally) to make your sim look bigger as it expands out. I am kinda guessing that if I put on or two on the edge of the island there, that they might just possibly, perhaps be more than highly visible and present on her bit. *giggles evilly.

We shall see...I'm gonna go down the mediation route first, but after that, well...what's a girl to do other than use a visual blocking method?? And if said method happens to be soooo big that it impacts her sim..well...I'm sorry, I'm thick...I have no idea how that could happen!

Thank god I don't have these issues with my neighbours!

I know, I know...The Boss is more than capable of doing this himself, but he's buggered off on holiday. Bastard. lol Well deserved so I shall stop sulking.

Speaking of The Boss and his island..he built a house on it. From scratch. And it looks bloody good! A bit low on furniture at the moment, but its getting there and lil ol popette feels mighty good there. Thankfully he knows well enough to make use of my talent for shopping and rezzing and I've been allowed to make it a little cozy.

Well...I have a few more bits to blog about and shall in due course, but the washing is done and I need to practise my house-wifely skills (who for, I have no idea) and hang it all up.

Sneaks back into the office...

...and switches on the pooter again.

Yes, ok, most of you know full well that I've been back for almost a week already and that I'm just a lazy bugger.

Well....ok, I need to pull my finger out of my arse (UK saying for those wondering!) and get blogging again.

Will do, promise!

P.S.

I think that I forgot to mention that the weather forecast is around the 32 degrees and pure sun.

Have fun working everyone!

At least the the sun always shines in SL huh?

;)

Speaking of which, when I get back, I promise less random Poppy-RL rambles and more sl stuff - I must be boring you all to tears!

Cherrio duckies...bis bald!

*waves and runs for the plane

Out of Office Reply

Thanks for poking your nose in my (not very up-to-date-currently) blog.

I am out of the office and will unfortunately be returning on Wednesday 13th August, at which point I will most likely be upset that I'm still not sunning myself with a g & t with ice and a slice in my hand on a beach in Spain.

I will have no access to my emails, let alone sl and have packed the tablets, yes. We are expecting the shakes and itchy fingers to start somewhere above the south of France at which point air control will warn all other aircraft in the vicinity of possible turbulence.

Should you have any emergencies in this time, then please contact with The Boss (details in my profile) or Half Short and they know how to reach me.

Not knowing where the staples are kept; a paper jam in the photocopier; sl swallowing your expensive sex toys; sl relationships breaking up or starting; needing me to book your hotel room (unless you are contact person no.1) etc etc blah blah, do NOT constitute emergencies.

I wish you all a sunny and lag-free 10 days as that's what I'll be having - with a sun tan and lots of yummy food and drink.

Kisses and be well,

Popette.

Its bloody typical!

So, today is the first day of my well-earned holiday. This is good. :)) On Monday I fly off to Barcelona to go and meet friends who have rented a villa just south of the French border and I can't bloody wait!

But typically, I have spent the day in bed virtually dying of bloody hay fever! An awful start to the holiday with a streaming nose, coughing, headache itchy eyes and horrific sneezing. And it is soooo hot here too!

I've just woken up and stuffed myself full of medicine and am hoping the the rain that we had whilst I was dozing will help too. Either way as soon as I get to Barcelona, it will be much better on the coast, but I really can't be bothered with suffering beforehand! And I'm wary of the tingling at the top of my chest. An infection perfectly timed for my 10 days in the sun is not what I want to be taking with me!

Funnily enough, I was actually due a guest yesterday and today and good how things worked out and they didn't manage to come as a Poppy with a seriously snotty nose and groaning in pain and annoyance isn't particularly all that sexy. Although I guess that there are some who like that... I, on the other hand, prefer to roll around on my bed full of self-pity, looking a mess all on my own. I certainly don't need an audience when I'm feeling poorly.

The other really shitty thing about feeling icky is that you can't read for very long, or go onto sl for very long either. And so you end up watching daytime tv and feeling even more depressed. I love these talk shows though....and people think that sl is freaky!!! Hahaha....the people who go on these shows and air their dirty washing in public - now that's fucked up.

So now the debate is on as to whether or not I can be bothered to get dressed and go out to get some food and also how many tablets I can take to make sure that I feel better so that I can go and work my way along the "beer mile" tomorrow afternoon.