Thursday, 17 July 2008

(Wobbly) Walking Wounded

What to do when one really can't be arsed to do any work?

Well...why else have a blog??? The trick is to use editor on the tiny window and then sneak in the post whilst no-one is looking (I have a 21 inch screen).

I had to pop to the pulmonologist this morning for my annual check-up. Nothing to worry about, just the usual tests. Everything is happily in order ad I didn't even get shouted at for not taking all of my medicine (I refuse to take steroids). And I didn't get shouted at for smoking either.

So, I'm sat there with a peg on my nose, inside a tiny little cabin doing my best to keep up with the nurse's shouted instructions of "in out, in out, in out, INNNNNN and out" without giggling (last time we had to re-do the test 3 times, I'm sooo juvenile). After we're done she takes my pulse (all normal after my childish naughty thoughts I'm pleased to report) and then she takes my blood pressure.

Oh dear...seems that I had the pressure levels akin to a corpse this morning. And I had already had two cups of coffee before I left the house!

But you've got to love the German doctors...I'm led to lie down and asked how I feel...fine thanks, a little tired and woozy but I haven't had all that much sleep the last week or two and so no big deal. I'll catch up at the weekend.... Legs up and all that kind of stuff. Great, normal, I feel more or less fine, can you please stop making a fuss about nothing and I'm going to be REALLY late for work! The blessed nurse disappears out and comes back 5 minutes later with....schnapps.

At 9:30 on a Thursday morning at the doctor's, I'm being given a shot of herbal schnapps. And alcoholic. And for free.

Bloody fantastic!

The Germans actually have a recognised health problem based on circulatory problems; mainly low blood pressure. People actually phone up work and call in sick for the day saying to the boss that they have circulatory problems. And are not fired for this. I find it very bizarre. To me its like phoning up and saying to my boss that I am feeling a little like I can't really be bothered to work today and put up with his crap and that I would much rather stay at home with my duvet, a pot of tea and a few good dvds.

Hey I know the truth - you wake up and think that your blood pressure is fekked, phone up work to say that you won't be coming into work today and then you sod off down the pub to get drunk. And the company pays you for it.

Cunning. I've gone nearly 5 years not knowing this and making up bullshit excuses which no-one blatantly believed.

On the topic of lack of sleep, I then wikied the above (occupational therapy if you will) and yes, lack of sleep can lead to low blood pressure. But what was interesting was the list of ailments related to sleep deprivation.

I'm suffering from most of them it seems:excessive daytime sleepiness, aching muscles, hyperactivity, impatience, irritability, memory lapses or loss slowed reaction time, decreased mental activity and concentration symptoms similar to alcoholic intoxication (I am NOT making that up to justify the schnapps from this morning!)

The general confusion, delirium and psychosis-like symptoms I would like to put down to the lack of sleep recently, but I wouldn't want to lie.

The one benefit of sleep deprivation though is my all-time favourite: increased desire for sexual activity.

Shame I'm too bloody knackered to do anything about it though.

I'm also being very clumsy at the moment. I managed to cut my hand yesterday and it bloody hurts! My colleague has looked at my "scratch" (she wears different glasses to me it seems as I see a bloody gashing wound) and has reliably informed me that she doesn't think that my right arm will have to be amputated.

Phew, but you all know how my mind works and how I worry...

...the gaping wound is on the palm of my hand. So not only does it bloody hurt like hell whatever I do, but, well...its attached to one of the main lines on my hand. Does this mean anything sinister for my future?? Maybe before the slash to my hand I was going to become rich and famous and have a wonderful husband and 12 children. My future is now possibly in jeopardy and I will end up unemployed and squatting somewhere?

Oh dear, yes, thank you for the hugs, flowers and get well soon cards, but really no need to make a fuss. I'm off tonight for the opening night of Mama Mia! and then home again where no doubt I shall suddenly be wide awake again and stuck with Abba songs running through my head. Which will once again put my off pursuing any sexual activity ("activity" lolol..makes it sound like a game of cricket) no doubt.

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