Perspective

We have it, we can change it and we can lose it. We even have a sense of it - Perspective.

We can all look at one and the same thing and we will all see something different. Different angles, hues - Perspective.

Its grounded in experience, habit, patterns - Perspective.

As I actually feel as if I've lost mine, I'm not too sure if I'm currently witnessing it packing it's bags and leaving me, or if it has already walked out the door weeks ago, shutting it ever so quietly as it left. It could be that I just thought it was popping out for a pint of milk, when in fact it was legging it full speed down the road and onto the next plane.

I can't tell, I have no Perspective, or so it seems.

Yesterday as I discussed our joint potential lack of Perspective with Endov, I felt giddy. Victorious. Nothing could stand in my way. My Perspective was a hindrance to all that I could experience without it. Maybe that's why it left; it felt hurt and thought that it should bugger off. Leave me to it as a lesson to me to see how I fare without it.

Now that I feel that it really might have abandoned me, I miss it. Terribly. My safety blanket has gone. My old friend. There's a gap where it used to be.

A vacuum. Which I notice is rapidly being filled with the enemies of Perspective: Self-doubt and his damned friends, Fear and Insecurity. Perspective should have turned the key in the lock as it left and not left it possible for others to take its place. Inconsiderate bastard.

Maybe I should have sewn a name tag onto Perspective. I could put out a "Lost" notice with my contact details on it. Maybe it will come back when it gets hungry. Perhaps I only mislaid it and if I go back and look everywhere I've been, I might stumble across it again.

I've fallen off an edge you see. And once you've fallen off of that edge, there is no way back to that same spot.

But maybe, maybe it could be that Perspective would make me fall harder and quicker. It would have weighed heavily as I stepped off the edge. Perspective might have dragged me down and have made it that I would be crushed as I landed.

Maybe the fact that Perspective buggered off and left me, maybe that will be the element which helps me to fly, to soar. Maybe without Perspective, I'm lighter.

Perhaps when I scramble back to land again, I'll find that I'm higher than from where I jumped. That the air is cleaner and the view clearer and more beautiful.

And maybe, it could even be possible that if that's the case, then there'll be a new Perspective waiting for me. Sharper, a little wiser, impatient to meet me.

I don't know, I can only hope. But I know that I feel lost and I'd like to rest for a while, cry. But oh, this feeling. Fear and soaring, hope and falling. Its so dizzying, I can't think. Terrifying, exhilarating, mesmerising. The adrenalin is addictive.

I guess that I'll only be able to tell when Retrospection and Introspection come knocking. And that might take a while. They most likely met Perspective on his way out and are sat down the pub laughing their arses off at me over a couple of beers.